Sisters are Doing It For Themselves

Christielli wondered why there weren’t any female artists on my music lists. Seems a bit silly of question, don’t it? Oh well. Top ten albums by female artists.

10. Amanda Marshall – Amanda Marshall

This album has some good tunes. The quirky Birmingham and Let It Rain and the powerful Beautiful Goodbye. This album is definitely worth more respect than it gets by being simply a mainstay of Canadian soft-rock radio.

9. Babe Ruth – First Base

Babe Ruth’s debut album culminated in The Mexican, a song derived from a piece by Ennio Morricone. Jennie Haan’s vocals are both powerful and sweet as they caress and assault the listener.

8. Edie Brickell & the New Bohemians – Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars

Remember that retro-60s thing that happened in the late 80s. This record was one of the few things good about that fad. Well, other than Touch of Grey, probably the only good thing about that fad. If you haven’t heard the song What I Am, stop what you’re doing and listen to it, NOW!

7. Annie Lennox – Diva

Annie stripped away any thought that she was reliant on Dave Stewart with this album. Gone was the reliance on synthetic sounds and loops and what was left was Annie’s amazing vocals.

6. Carole King – Tapestry

A professional songwriter casting off the shackles of the Brill Building. This record is one of the highlights of the 70s singer-songwriter style.

5. Tina Turner – Private Dancer

Ignore the awful David Bowie cover and the rest of the album is golden.

4. Sarah MacLachlan – Surfacing

The otherwise annoying Sarah MacLachlan really shines on this record. It is as though all her annoying singing habits just seemed to disappear on this album. For the first and last time, the true beauty of her music was able to shine and be the focus of the album. And to top it all off, the songs are elegant yet dark.

3. Heart – Dreamboat Annie

Sometimes music speaks louder than my crappy words. And when that music is Ann and Nancy Wilson, why would you waste time reading what I’ve got to say.

2. Fleetwood Mac – Rumours

At a quick glance, this record looks like nothing but a collection of hits, but these are all hits for reason, they’re really all just that damn good. This was the album that gave us all a good glimpse of what Stevie Nicks is capable of. And even Christine McVie’s tracks are good on this album.

1. Betty Davis – Betty Davis

I’ll let this fiery woman kick my sorry ass any day of the week, because every time I hear this album, it kicks my ass. This album is funky (pronounced funk-eh!), it’s so damn funky it gives me nightmares.

Decade of Disgust

I just realized this unnamed decade is about to end. What better time to do a decade-ending list.

This has been a really shitty decade for music. This list is going to be the ten best albums of the decade. And I’m gonna have a hard time coming up with ten albums of note.

10. Prince – Musicology

I have a feeling that Prince had this record waiting inside of him, waiting for some displeasing contracts to expire before releasing this record. The was the album that put Prince back into the discussion of great music and out of the discussion of what-the-fuck. This is one more album of what Prince does best, rock and roll with soul, with blues, with funk.

9. Bruce Springsteen – The Rising

Bruce’s first album with the E Street Band since the mid-eighties was a fantastic album. Obviously influenced by the events of September 11th, 2001; the album does what it can to bridge the differences between the two contending factions and always keeps in mind the real loser in war, the soldier.

8. Muse – Absolution

This was Muse’s make-it-or-break-it album. And they made it, big time. This is their Born to Run. This album is big and bombastic right from the get go, yet it maintains Muse’s flair for manic paranoia.

7. Robi Draco Rosa – Mad Love

A subtle and, at times, subdued rock and roll album with a little Latin flavour. The album has a little bit of a lot of different styles without ever waivering from it’s core motif. It’s a shame to see this album going completely unnoticed.

6. Blue Rodeo – Palace of Gold

A more-than-usual upbeat Blue Rodeo album loaded with strings and horns and Rickenbackers.

5. The Black Crowes – Before the Frost

I know this record is still pretty new but I’ve had a very hard time putting it down. It was recorded in front a small audience in the recording studio giving it a different sort of feel from the average studio album. The songs are solid and the tones are fat, the Black Crowes at their best.

4. Hedwig and the Angry Inch soundtrack

The soundtrack to a musical about a transgendered wanna-be rockstar. It’s an amazing blend of pop, punk and traditional American musical stylings.

3. Porcupine Tree – In Absentia

Progressive rock meets real emotion. PT both sizzles and soothes the listener on this album. Unlike contemporary prog rock acts, PT does not ham it up when they emote in their songs. The instrumentation is stellar, the vocals are as good as anything else progressive rock has offered since Fragile. What’s not to love about this record?

2. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Abbatoir Blues / The Lyre of Orpheus

What’s the best way to make an album a better album? Make two albums simultaneously and make them both really, really good. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds find that perfect combination of dark folk and blues with emotion-filled tales of love and loss. The highlight of the album is the use of backing vocals that soar above Nick Cave’s low and brooding voice.

1. vacant

Out of sheer disgust for the state of music today, I am vacating the number 1 spot on this list. The music from this decade, as a whole, was so poor, no single album deserves to be the best of the decade. I’m really not sure why music today has nothing left to say. Maybe it has to do with fewer content available, maybe it has to do with the proliferation of lifeless digital recording techniques, or maybe, there simply is nothing left to say through song. I spent some time looking around to see what other people on the internet have said about music in this decade and the general consensus seems to be music that never gave me any sort of positive reaction. Wilco, Radiohead and Douche Bag for Cutie; the so-called great musicians of this decade make me weep for the future. Well, frankly, their music is designed to make the listener weep. I’ve got a feeling the artists’ intentions were for me to cry with them and not at them, but, like all bad art, the point is missed on me. You know it’s a bad time for music when I look to Usher for a cohesive artistic statement.

Weekend Recap

Friday Dinner with the Bobs and the Twins. Went to the Keg. The waiter kind of freaked me out a bit. He had that look in his eyes like he could go postal at any moment.

Saturday Worked, then had some pizza takeout for dinner. And I found some time to hit the mall, in the evening. After six though, when the place was pretty well a ghost town.

Sunday Leftover pizza. I love pizza. I went out for a bit in the afternoon, didn’t do much, just had some coffee. Anything to you know, get out for some fresh air.

I’ve also spent some time this weekend assembling a year-end best of blog post. And that seemed a bit pointless as this has been a pretty awful year for me.

How the Transporter will Save my Christmas

At Christmas time, my father becomes a spoiled little brat who has to have everything his way. His favourite Christmas tradition is to unwrap every gift under the tree. Not just gifts to him, but gifts to everybody else. He’ll sit down on the floor beside the tree, grab a gift, rip off all the wrapping then say “Who’s this gift for?” He’ll often forget to read the gift tag or card before unwrapping the gift.

Due to my father’s inability to let money just sit in his pocket, he buys things for himself all year long. That makes him a hard person to shop for. Ultimately, he really doesn’t want much for Christmas, he really just wants to unwrap the presents. It’s fun for him. It’s aggravating for everybody else because we all have to sift through the pile of shredded wrapping paper to determine who the gift is for and who it’s from.

So, every year, my brother and I get our father things to unwrap. We’ve wrapped up empty boxes. We’ve done the big box with a medium sized box inside it and a small box inside the medium box and inside the small box, put a jelly beanl; with all boxes having been wrapped or double-wrapped. One year, we went into the garage, grabbed a log and wrapped it up.

In the last few years, the best gift to get my father has been a few DVDs. They’re cheap. I know he’ll use them (at least twice, he’ll fall asleep watching the movie the first time so he’ll watch it again the next day). And they’re easy to wrap.

This year, I was downtown shopping for a jazz boxset for somebody when I figured, “I should get my dad a couple of crappy DVDs, while I’m here.” I picked up a couple of crappy generic action movies. This is where Jason Statham comes in to save the day. Jason is the sort of actor who will do pretty much any shitty action script that comes his way. I found this one, never even heard of the movie, it’s got Jason Statham on the cover wielding a big sword. Perfect! A Transporter-meets-LOTR movie. And it’s like nine bucks. So I picked it up, wrapped it up, put it in a box and wrapped up the box.

And here’s the best part. Even if my father was to read this blog, he’d have no clue what the heck I was talking about. He has no idea who Jason Statham is. Sure, he’s probably seen half of the guy’s filmography, but he still doesn’t remember who he is or has any clue what his name is.

Randomosity

• Watched part of some SNL Christmas special last night. Just a bunch of old sketches with bumpers featuring a homocidal woman named Gilly. Didn’t make any sense to me. Didn’t make me laugh either, so, really, what’s the point?
• Did anybody hear about what happened to Italian PM Silver Berlusconi? A “mentally ill” man through a statuette at the PM, breaking his nose and stuff like that. This is another reason why George W. Bush wasn’t as bad as everybody seems to think he was, Dubya had catlike reflexes when people starting throwing crap at him.
• The Olympics are being held in Vancouver this coming winter. Games haven’t started yet and I’m already sick of all this Olympic crap.
• Is anybody else out there waiting for Playboy’s Girls of Tiger Woods’ Affairs issue?

Christmas Meme

Claire recently posted a meme on her blog, it’s kinda similar to the meme I’ve recently posted, but I need some blogging ideas other than the usual insults and conspiracy theories. So…

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper has all the fun of unwrapping things. Besides, gift bags are just so lazy. At least with wrapping up a gift, it takes some time and effort, and it actually hides the gift.

2. Real tree or Artificial?
I prefer the fake trees. They’re reusable.

3. When do you put up the tree?
When I have to. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t put up the tree at all.

4. When do you take the tree down?
When I have to. If it was up to me, I’d leave it up all year round. The thinking being “I’m just going to have to put it up again next year.”

5. Do you like eggnog?
Some years yes, some years no. Can’t explain it.

6. Favorite (or most memorable) gift received as a child?
Laser Tag!

7. Hardest person to buy for?
My dad. How do you get a gift for the man who literally has everything but common sense?

8. Easiest person/s to buy for?
My mother. She let’s it be known what she wants months in advance. If there’s ever any doubt, chocolate.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?
This year, I’ve got two lame scenes, both from Walmart. I don’t like them. One of these days, I’m going to get a really nice porcelain set, but every year I can never get around to it.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
I’m not a Christmas card kinda guy.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
Nuts and chocolates. Neither can I eat.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Bad Santa, the only Christmas movie to feature a pissing, shitting, fucking Santa Claus.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
I haven’t a set date or anything. It’s usually an “oh shit, I gotta do my Christmas shopping, don’t I” moment.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Just nuts and chocolates.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Gingerbread

16. What do you want for Christmas?
Pussy. It’s the one thing I’ll never buy for myself.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
That depends, where’s my family gonna be?

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer’s?
Rudolph, Dasher, Prancer, Hakeem, Doc, Nixon, Cockroach, Stinky and Boner.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
What if I said a figurine of Isaac Newton?

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
On the Eve, my father, who is a child that refuses to grow up. He can’t wait. And he has to unwrap everybody else’s gifts as well.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
Crappy unfunny Christmas episodes of my favourite shows.

23. Favorite ornament, theme, or color?
Christmoose.

24. Favorite for Christmas Dinner?
Food. What, I gotta be picky or something?

25. What do you want to do for Christmas this year?
Wasn’t this question 16? Okay, I’ll say it again. I wanna get LAID!

This Post is For the Ladies Out There

Hey ladies, time to whip out the honesty under the veil of internet anonymity.

What are your thoughts on men, specifically that man in your life, what are your thoughts on that man having that box in the garage filled with wrinkley old issues of Playboy? What do you think of your man and his still having the occasional peek at nudey magazines?

Do you take part in your man’s erotic reading? Do you allow it in the house? Do you disapprove of it but realize there’s nothing you can do about it? Do you forbid it in the house? Do you forbid you man from having any contact what-so-ever with any sort of pornographic material? Do you have shouting matches with your man over his faded and barely stapled together issue of Playboy from 1972?

Do you read romance novels? Do you have your own little collection of literature featuring men with rock hard abs saving the buxom women from the ravenous pirates only to ravash those buxom women later? Do you feel like a hypocrit when you read those bodice rippers?

Really, what is the difference between a man’s stack of porno mags and a woman’s shelf of romance novels? I guess the difference is time and effort involved in reading the material. The romance novel requires the woman to sit down in a chair on a lazy Sunday afternoon so that she may read page after page of text. The porno mag can be opened at any random page so that the man may see a picture or two of some boobies, and with that, be contented.

Ladies, you’re doing porno all wrong. Your novels are long, pictureless tombs that require the use of your imagination. Why imagine at all? Get yourself a picture of that guy with the rock hard abs and giant pectoral muscles.