Hallowe’en 2006: The Ghoul’s Guide

Hallowe’en is quickly approaching so I have prepared a guide to help you have a fun and safe Hallowe’en.

Costumes

You have to wear a costume, regardless of if you are going door-to-door. Hallowe’en is the one day you can dress like a freak and get away with it. But with so many generic costumes around, how do you stand apart from all the other idiots in pirate costumes? Take two or more costumes and combine them together. My favourite was to take a Santa Claus costume and a monster mask to create the Santa from hell costume. The red from the Santa costume also provided a bright colour that could be seen in the dark. It also allowed from a layered under clothing and a hat to provide a lot of warmth. You could try taking that tired pirate costume and combine it with some hockey equipment to create the costume of a hockey play-aargh. Make your costume easy to modify for later Hallowe’ens and for quickchanging during Hallowe’en. A second mask and a reversable jacket is a great way to do this.

Giving Out Candy

If you have to be the one who stays home and gives out the candy you will get stuck paying a lot of money for lousy candy. But to stretch that candy and make it last follow this little checklist.

• Give out candy that you won’t eat. This disables snacking between visits.
• One piece per child. They haven’t done anything to deserve a second candy corn or moldy piece of taffy.
• Turn off the lights at the front of the house. Most children will then skip by your house thinking that nobody is home.

Should you run out of candy, just stop answering the door. If it helps and is easy to do, disconnect your doorbell. This way the noise won’t bother you while you’re watching television or reading a book or whatever you do to relax.

At The Workplace

First thing you do at work is you have to answer your phone with a shrill scream. Any phone conversation must be hung up abruptly during a conversation. It will scare the person you were talking to just a little bit. Second thing, when nobody is looking, egg your boss’ office door or your boss’ car. Egg something that belongs to your boss. Even if you like your boss.

Egging

Don’t egg windows or front doors to homes. That’s been done to death. Stand behind bushes or trees or other poorly lit areas and wait for the door of the house to open and try to get the egg through the open door. For you kids who have to buy the eggs, here’s how you do it to avoid suspiscion from local shopkeepers. Start today, buy a dozen today. Store them somewhere safe and warm. Lets the eggs go rotten just a little bit. Tomorrow, do the same but at a different local shoppe. Again, not raising suspiscion, buy eggs in small quantities each day until October 30th. While egging, fire one or two shots at your own home in order to remove yourself from possible suspiscion.

Going Door-To-Door

If you’ve reached puberty, you’re too old to go door-to-door. Otherwise, have fun and get out as soon as the Sun has completely set. If you get out early enough, you may be able to do the neighbourhood twice. This may require a second costume or a costume that can be modified into another easily. Get the good candy before anyone else. If you get driven to a different neighbourhood than your own, pick a neighbourhood that is relatively new, homes should be about five to ten years old. This way the homes will be populated with young families who are going to be very involved in Hallowe’en for their young children. Also, once their children get back from going door-to-door, the parents will take the candy the children can’t eat and give that out when they run out of candy. This is a great way to get candy that contains nuts.

Again, have a fun and safe Hallowe’en and stay the hell away from my house. The last thing I want is to be bothered on a Tuesday night.

Tags: General, How-to