Weekend Re-Cap: Now With More Feces

Friday

I went out for dinner with Mammaq. Carmine was out of town for the night and nobody felt like cooking. After dinner we went to Ikea. Usual housewares browsing and what-not. But no, not this time. We had to go straight into the Marketplace. I tell ya, Mammaq is getting weird lately. She had to buy candles. Lots of candles.

Saturday

Bob called and said that there was some birthday thing he had to go to and wanted a wing-man. Personally, I’ve always considered myself a breast and leg man but for one night, who would it hurt? Early in the evening, before I left with Bob, Juice came by for the usual weekly Rumble match. He kicked my butt this time. It wasn’t even close. Last time I use the 1-2-3 Kid. At some point we had the shitted-shat discussion. He refused to accept the fact that shat is the past tense of the verb to shit. Juicette was with Juice this time. I can’t believe I had to have the “what a turntable is” discussion. It’s like an old-school CD player folks, only it sounds better. Eventually, Bob picked me up and we headed downtown, stopping at Boston Pizza for dinner. During the drive, Bob was saying how he likes Japanese women. Okay, I don’t remember the conversation exactly, but this is definetly the gist of it.

Bob: I like Japanese women. They’re hot.

Me: But dude, Japanese chicks are fucked up.

Bob: How so?

Me: They like being shat on. Are you okay with shitting on a woman?

Bob: Hey, if ya gotta go, ya gotta go, right?

Definetly one of the funniest things Bob has ever said. We ended up at the Madison waiting for Boston and his Hamilton crew which never showed up. Okay, they probably did eventually but me and Bob weren’t going to sit around and wait all night.

Sunday

I did my usual weekly errands: groceries, DVDs and fried chicken. I was amazed at the number of bad drivers I had to pass just to get where I was going. This one car stopped at an intersection that was NOT an all-way stop. I could see the driver as I was trying to turn left. This woman was just sitting there waiting for the light to turn green. But of course, there were no lights at this intersection. There wasn’t even a bloody stop sign for her to stop at. She could have just kept on going. But she stopped there, just waiting. Then at the next intersection, this time there was a traffic light system. But the car in front of me didn’t really care. Green means GO! At the grocery store there was plenty of parking spots. But of course, everybody parks underneath the “No Parking” signs at the front of the store. Why is it these friggin’ morons all have cars and I have to ask around for a set of wheels? I’m not saying I’m the best driver in the world, I’m far from it, but I know the basics. I know how to read the posted signs.

If you’re curious about the DVDs: The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Annie Hall and Grounded For Life Season 4. The chicken, why Popeye’s of course.

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