The Ladies: A Man’s Perspective - 2nd Edition

Introduction

Much of this is from an old post. But I thought, with St. Valentine’s Day approaching, I should publish a 2nd Edition. I have added a whole section on feet. Men, you need your feet. Why? To run away from women. So, without further adieu…

The Ladies: A Man’s Perspective

As a man who’s seen a lot, I feel it is important to share my wisdom and experience with anybody who would like to listen. I am not saying that I know everything, if I did, I would have written a series of books by now and would be a millionaire. I’d still be single, but I’d be rich. The following is a guide to women written by yours truly.

Hooking Up Is Binary

It is possible to hook-up. Guys, don’t get discouraged when you get shot down. Keep trying, but not with the same woman. Women only hook-up when they want to and with whom they want to. Don’t try too hard, their first impression is always right because they make snap decisions upon first meeting you and will hold you to that decision for the rest of your life. When a woman meets a guy she immediately lumps the guy into one of two groups: date-able and not date-able. No man knows what criteria women use to make these decisions but I do know that this is true. The third “maybe” group is a myth women have created just to mess with guys.

Messing With Our Mind

Messing with guys is the next part of the guide. Women like to mess with guy’s heads. I’m not sure why. I figure its so they can get together with their girlfriends and laugh at our idiocy. But, its not that we are idiots. Okay, some of us are idiots. But women treat us all as idiots because they lie to us. They intentionally do and say things that are false just to catch us being idiotic by believing them.

Its Not A Lie If You Believe It

Much of male/female interaction is the ladies lying to men. They want us to suffer just for liking them. That is the most baffling part. They know we like them. But instead of saying “I don’t like you,” or “Yes, I do like you,” they force us to work for it even though they have already made up their mind. So if you are a “date-able” why continue to work for it. She wants you, she just won’t let you know that. That would be too obvious. That would make too much sense. Some might say this is to get free stuff (like free drinks at a bar). I disagree. Women can and will initiate contact with guys. They will open the lines of communication, both verbal and physical. This is just to mess with us. They know what the guy will say and what the guy will do. But they lead him on anyway. Some women will do this for the free drinks, don’t get me wrong here. There are some that are just thirsty and cheap; but just because a woman doesn’t ask you to buy her a drink doesn’t mean she isn’t going to try to lead you on. You see, women are teases. It is an instinctual thing like cats burying their waste. Nature at its most natural.

She Likes You, She Really Does

Now, lets say the woman likes you (rare but it does happen). If you have any strength left from jumping through all the hoops she’s set up for you, let her dictate the pace of the relationship. No matter what you do, she will dictate it so why swim against the current, right. This is the part of the mating dance in which I am always lost and why, because I swim against the current. I am a man and I have to be in control. I am the master of my destiny. This is also why I’m single. If you want the relationship to work out, you might as well cut off your own balls and save her the trouble. And besides, it’ll give her an interesting story to tell her girlfriends when they congregate to laugh at their boyfriends and husbands.

Dancing

Dancing; dancing exists just to make us look silly in a room full of people. That’s why they want us to dance. Part of the whole “messing with us” thing. Men are not created to be graceful. You show me a graceful man and I’ll show you a woman in disguise. A spy to infiltrate our ranks just so they can always stay one step ahead of us; so as to control us.

The (Un)holy Union

Marriage you say, marriage is just another hoop. Ever wonder why the symbol of marriage is a ring, a tiny hoop with which you wear on your hand and are not supposed to remove. You will get married, when and if she wants to marry you.

Individuality

Trying you keep your individuality is a lost cause whilst in a relationship. Not sure, go shopping with a woman and then tell me you can have both individuality and a girlfriend. No matter what you pick out, they won’t like it because you picked it out. Women will try to change the way you look. I believe this is an effort to put a brand on their man, much like a farmer does with livestock.

Death By Feet

Shoes are a great example of how women destroy their man. First, we as men, must stand around while the women try on pair after pair after pair of shoes. Eventually, the woman decides on a pair of shoes, usually, the most expensive and the man has to pay. Second, the woman now needs a purse to go with these shoes. Yes the woman has 25 purses at home, but somehow, none of them match these shoes and more importantly, the shoes she didn’t want would have matched at least 1 purse she already owns. A week passes. A brave (or stupid) man will ask his girlfriend/wife: “Honey, why don’t you wear your new shoes?” Her answer: “They’re too uncomfortable.”

Eventually, the woman will tell the man what shoes to wear. At that very moment, men, it is less painful to just chop off your own feet with a hacksaw. You have just lost control of your feet. You will spend an entire day standing around a shoe store, trying on shoes that are: a) ugly; b) uncomfortable; and c) not named after a basketball player. These new shoes will replace your Air Jordans. Say goodbye to MJ, he’s gone. Say hello to, well, I can’t pronounce that name, what is that, Czechoslovakian or something. Nike, RBK, Adidas, Puma. This is what we know. Simple laced running shoes. Women hate those shoes because we like them. There is no other reason. We like, they hate. That’s the rule. No exceptions.

Conclusion

Everything and anything in this document will be rebuked by women. This is part of their messing with our heads and lying to us scheme. Face it guys, they rule the world and have tricked us into doing all the actual work.

The most important thing to know when trying to meet and date women: DON’T BE ME! Women don’t like me. They have held a meeting* and have decided that I am not to breed. My social success is their worst nightmare.

* I am convinced a very large group of women got together and held a meeting for the sole purpose of discussing me and whether or not I am breeding stock. I understand it sounds a bit like a conspiracy theory. Well, by definition, it is a theory involving a conspiracy, so I don’t argue that. But I shall say this: disprove it; prove me wrong… That’s right, I didn’t think so.

Recommend Listening: Love Stinks by The J. Geils Band