Why Did She Do That?

This post originated as a comment I left on Angel’s blog. (Angel, if you’re reading this, thank you, that was a great post. Keep it up.) I had also been tooling around on a 3rd Edition of my guide to women The Ladies: A Man’s Perspective. Instead, I shall be offering up a sequel to the guide.

Why Did She Do That?

Often a woman will do something that men just don’t understand. With this guide I will try to break down the myths about feminine behaviour and provide the world with what it really needs, the ANSWER TO THE QUESTION!

The Purse

When a woman leaves the room temporarily without her purse she will say watch my purse. She says that for two reasons. Reason one, to get you (the man) to notice the purse; and reason two, to control you.

Men don’t notice purses. Its not in our genetic makeup. To us, its just a bag, just something to store and easily carry around other smaller things. But not women; to a woman, a purse is an extension of her body. And being part of her body, she has to show it off. She also has to feel like it was worth the six hundred bucks she paid for the damn thing.

Secondly, the woman has to control her man. She knows that if she leaves the purse next to her man without saying anything about the purse, the purse will be safe. If some crazy person walks by and tries to snatch it, the man will stop the pursesnatcher. The woman knows this, but she has to enforce it upon the man. She wants the man to do it without thinking of it on his own. This diminishes the man’s brain activity and puts him into a worm-like state of living without thinking.

Men, notice how the tells you to watch the purse. The woman never asks will you or could you, she just says those three little words watch my purse.

And one more thing about the purse, if she was really concerned about it, she’d take it with her.

The Ladies’ Room

So, the women have left, temporarily, leaving the men to guard their purses, but where did they go. They went to the ladies’ room. But, what are they doing in that room. If they were just puffing their noses or some other makeup thing, they’d have taken their purses. You see, the purse is where the woman stores her makeup. So its safe to assume, they’re not putting makeup on each other. What else could a bunch of women do in the washroom? Well, obviously they could just be using the facilities. But why go in packs. They’re not going to play Battleshit* that’s for damn sure. Women go to the washroom in packs to talk privately about the guys they are with.

Topics of discussion in the washroom are often comparisons of who has the more pathetic boyfriend. Patheticness is judged by criteria such as but not exclusive to sexual performance and grooming.

Now some may ask, how do I know what goes on in a women’s washroom? I don’t spy, I don’t stalk, I do nothing underhanded or shady; I just make use of every opportunity to learn and grow, should an opportunity present itself. And I shall answer no further questions regarding my research techniques.

—————

A side note about purses, specifically those hoidy-toidy high-priced Prada bags. I’ve done a little bit of research on those bags. They balance well, much better than a generic bag that looks similar. Their downside appears to be a rather small opening and little interior space. And they cost a lot, a LOT. So when your girlfriend or wife asks you to buy her a Prada bag, ask her why. If she can come with a reason that makes a bit of sense in terms of maintaining her equiliberium and she doesn’t need to carry a lot of junk, you may want to consider buying her one. Of course, if you’re not made of money, well, she’s not dating you, so it wouldn’t even be an issue.

* A disgusting little game where two or more competitors try to out-shit each other. I’ve never played the game, but I imagine there are no winners, only losers.

Recommended Listening: Rabbit Fighter by T. Rex.