My Movie

I am going to produce a film. I figure that my film will be an homage to the greatest period of cinema, the ’80s.

First things first, I need a story. So, here it goes. The protagonist will be a male student (high school or college, which isn’t really relevant) who is in love with a beautiful, rich girl. But she’s currently dating a rich asshole (the antagonist). To increase the tension between the male lead and the antagonist, the two will have to compete against each other in a sporting event. The protagonist obviously wins the competition and at that point, the love interest leaves the antagonist and embraces the hero.

Here are some of the firmer details of the movie. The antagonist has blonde hair and blue eyes as does the love interest. The protagonist does not. The setting will be in the pacific northwest. The sporting event will a lumberjack competition. The protagonist will have a wacky sidekick. This sidekick will be a French-Canadian. After the midpoint of the film, the protagonist will have a scene where he is training his lumberjack skills. This scene will be a montage of sawing and chopping recorded without sound so that a pop song can be placed overtop. The song will be synth heavy and have lyrics along the lines of “pushing the limits” and “reaching for the top.” At some point, the lead characters will have to be at a party or concert where a band will be performing live.

The filming of the movie will probably be done in mainland British Columbia or Oregon, whichever is cheaper. I would like to have a director with animation experience as I would like to have the opening credits overtop a cartoon sequence.

I most likely will not write the script myself. I will either contribute to a group collaberation or will just pen a short story and hand it off to a screenwriter. Ideally, I’d like to get a screenwriter like Conan O’brien to punch up the script. I say “like Conan O’brien” because there’s no way in Hell I’d ever get Conan himself to write a script for me.

The cast wlll have to be a bunch of unknowns in the three starring roles and washed up Canadian actors with Second City experience playing the parents and teachers and coaches and what-not of the three stars. The French-Canadian must not be played by a French-Canadian as I would like the accent to be comedically bad. I’m thinking of a younger Curtis “Booger” Armstrong.

By now you’ve probably noticed the glaring similarities to films like Rocky IV, Back to School and One Crazy Summer. And why not, those were three great films.

Recommended Listening: What Does It Take by Honeymoon Suite.

Tags: Cinema