The Future

Ever seen those cartoons from way back in the day when cartoons preceded movies? I’m talking about Bugs Bunny and Tom & Jerry and Mickey Mouse; the Golden Age of animation. Every once in a while, a cartoon would have some sort of time travel or severe aging occurance. Often this was shown to the audience by showing a clock spinning really fast and some calendars flipping from month to month and year to year.

Today, we can watch these cartoons and say “Wow, did these guys get the future wrong or what!” Its 2007. Where’s my A-1 Disintegration Gun, bitch!

How about some teleporters? Hell, I’d settle for an inertia dampener at this point.

The Jetsons sidewalk! There’s something that could be made today. That’s something we have today. So why are there so few of them around today? Take for example, Spadina Subway Station in Toronto. For those who don’t know, this station connects two different subway routes. But to transfer from one track to the other, the passenger must walk a couple hundred meters. This is a perfect place for a Jetsons sidewalk. Here’s the rub, there used to be one there. They ripped the thing out and now everybody has to walk. It was a pretty simple three aisle walkway. One standard walkway, no moving parts and two escalators with no elevation; one going north, one going south. In the past couple of years, they ripped out the escalators and widened the standard walkway. WHAT THE HELL! This is the future, not the past. Shouldn’t things be getting more technologically advanced as time marches forward.

Here’s a quick lesson on the history of the sidewalk.

In ancient times, man would clear a path by removing stones and shrubbery to allow other people to travel through the path.

Eventually someone thought “Hey, lets uses these stones to make tiles so the path is more noticable, and prettier.”

With the invention of concrete and cement and asphalt, people were able to create paths that were uniform.

In 1962, Hanna-Barbera gave us The Jetsons and the Jetsons sidewalk. Sure, that show had all kinds of crazy cartoon inventions: flying cars, talking robots and jet boots. But with all that wacky stuff, the most compelling invention was the automatic sidewalk. And why, because it was something contemporary technology could grasp and implement.

So, its now 45 years later, WHY ARE WE REPLACING TECHNOLOGY WITH TILES?

What’s next: horse drawn carriages to replace cars and trucks; fountain pens to replace ball-points; and the rotary telephone.

I’m not saying don’t ride a horse. I’m not saying don’t use a fountain pen. I’m not saying throw away that old rotary phone you’ve got collecting dust in your basement. What I am saying: “DON’T RIP UP A JETSONS SIDEWALK AND REPLACE IT WITH TILES!”

Ladies and gentlemen, walking is so twentieth century, but now, this is the twenty-first century, I don’t want to walk anymore.

It’s not just the sidewalk that’s pissing me off. People have been flying into space since the 1950s. I can’t think of one useful thing that’s been brought back. Oooh, a moon rock. Yeah, I think we’ve got rocks here on Earth. How many uber-millions of dollars did NASA spend to send a guy to the Moon just to plant a flag and pick up a rock. A ROCK PEOPLE!

I’m willing to think that Neil Armstrong had no idea what he’d find on the Moon. But when he got there and didn’t find anything he really should have made some shit up. Make the trip seem a bit noteworthy.

And who was the astronaut who golfed on the Moon? Please explain to me the purpose of that.

In conclusion, the future is kinda boring. And its not because cartoons made outrageous claims (they did), but people today have failed in their willingness to make those outrageous claims come true.

Recommended Listening: Silver Future by Monster Magnet.

Tags: Animation, History, Science