More On [ic] Women

What, if any, is the difference between a ho and a bitch?

A ho fucks EVERYBODY. But a bitch fucks everybody BUT YOU.

Sometimes a blog post needs to begin with a great quote from a movie. I could think of none better than that quote from Fear of a Black Hat.

Today, I present another post in my series of misadventures and musings in regards to the understanding of women.

A woman is a strange creature; one that I am still struggling to grasp comprehension of.

I was discussing my bedroom policy with my accountant recently. The bedroom policy being: there is to be no sexual activity in my bedroom. He thought that was a policy I should no longer practice. My response “I didn’t make the policy. It was thrust upon me by every woman on Earth.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, women have decided that I am not to be given the opportunity to be intimate with any of them.

That wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t see women running around with assholes. I know I’m not alone in this. Guys, have you ever had that female friend that used to come to you to complain about how much her current boyfriend sucks. In that situation I thought “Sheesh, I could be a much better boyfriend than that asshole. Why’s she even with him?” Well, we all know why, he’s sexy, he’s dangerous and he’s cool. Or maybe he’s just rich and drives a nice car. But my point is this, she’s with this guy when she could be with any other guy who would likely treat her better. But she sticks it out with him until well after all her friends have had an intervention of sorts to get her out of the relationship. That group of friends often includes at least one friend who had an affair with that boyfriend.

If there are any women out there in Internetland reading this thinking “Nah, that’s not me,” Wake up and smell the other woman’s lipstick on your boyfriends collar. It is you.

Women say they like a guy who’s nice and responsible and caring and all that crap. Really? Then why do I know guys who are nice and responsible and caring and SINGLE! All the while, the pretty-boy assholes have to beat the women off with a stick.

I did once get an answer out of a woman as to why they date assholes. I’m not going to say who this woman was because I don’t want all you ladies out there to turn on her and kick her out of the girl’s club. Or maybe she was sent to me to give me bogus information. Oh well, gotta take some things on faith, right? She told me that a woman will sometimes be in denial about her boyfriend’s faults because she may be too afraid to be alone or the boyfriend provides some sort of something to her that she can’t afford to give up; the illusion of independence, a fancier lifestyle, [cough cough] drugs.

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There was, however, one situation I found to be very weird. This was a few years ago but I’ve never quite understood what was going on. I had this aquaintance. I guy I knew through work. We were very pleasent to each other and helped each other out professionally wherever possible.

One day, as he left my place of work, a single female co-worker of mine makes some comment to me about how gorgeous (her word, not mine) this guy is. I tell her that I’m pretty sure the guy is single. I tell her where he works and maybe should could drop by and see him sometime, seeing as how she thinks the guy is gorgeous.

The following is her response as best as I can remember it.

I can’t go out with him. He’s too good looking. And, he knows he’s good looking. You can’t go out with a guy who’s that good looking and knows it.

This concept baffled me (it still does to this day) so I asked another female co-worker of mine to verify her statement. She agreed with the statement. I asked them to explain and their answer was “You just can’t.”

So, here we have a guy, who’s a nice guy, dresses well, has a good sense of humour, AND is gorgeous. And here we have two women who won’t even go up to talk to the guy. But every time he walks by, they’ll get that glazed-over look in their eyes as they try to imagine him with his shirt off.

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Now here is a situation with a bit of information that men need to know. Guys, don’t go down the FB road. The woman will always say “It doesn’t mean anything, there’s no emotional ramifications.” Yeah right! They say that, but eventually, the guy has a date with a woman he might actually want to get close to (emotionally) and the FB doesn’t like it.

It starts out all well and good. It is casual and familiar and comfortable, or so she says. But then one night, she calls the guy and he says “Can’t ‘talk’ tonight, got plans.” Does anybody actually know what a woman looks like after she hears that from her FB. I swear to God, smoke starts rising from her ears. No emotional ramifications my ASS!

I believe it was William Congreve who penned “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Amen brother. A man gets turned down for sex frequently, but when a woman is turned down, all hell breaks loose. She will get violent, sneaky and conniving; she will make that man’s life as horrible as she possibly can.

The guy gets involved in an FB situation for the obvious reason, and thats it. Its Sunday night, he’s bored and needs to make sure his plumbing still works. But the woman, no, she’s in denial about her ability to control herself and her emotions in the situation.

The allure of the FB relationship is powerful, but in the end, it just may not be worth it.

Recommended Listening: Is She Really Going Out With Him by Joe Jackson.

The WhatIGotSoFar series on Women

The Ladies: A Man’s Perspective

Why Did She Do That?

Breasts, Boobs and Bazongas