The Toilet Seat
The battle of the sexes has no more vicious battleground than in the bathroom. Right now, the toilet is no man’s land, and that’s the way women like it.
Women, honestly, what’s the deal with the toilet seat?
You (women) expect us (men) to put the toilet seat down when we’re done peeing. For doing that, women, you have become the laziest creature in all existence.
You are always getting on our case to drop the toilet seat and when we don’t, you call us lazy. No! You’re the lazy ones! You pee sitting down and expect us the lower the seat for you. That’s pretty friggin’ lazy.
You want to know something ladies, sure us men pee standing up, but we sit down to poo.
The following conversation has never, ever happened in the history of the toilet seat.
Jack: Hey John.
John: Hey Jack, what’s up?
Jack: You left the toilet seat up. I went to take a shit and I nearly fell in.
That conversation would never, ever happen. When a guy walks into the washroom to take a crap and he sees the seat up, he drops the seat, then he drops his trousers.
Why can’t women do that? Here’s why. They’re not jealous of our ability to pee standing up and write our names in the snow. Women have to give us men grief in order to control and dominate us. Its all part of their plan to rule the world and have us do all the dirty work.
Men, its time we fought back. Everytime we walk into the john and find the seat down, PEE ON IT! No, that’s disgusting. Here’s what we do. After leaving the john, find the woman who lowered the seat and bitch to her about how you always have to lift the seat up everytime you have to pee.
Women, you must understand something, us men have to deal with the issue of aim. We don’t need any extra stress when taking a piss.
So women, next time you see the toilet seat up, calmly lower the seat, do your business, flush and walk away.
Ba-whoosh!
Recommended Listening: The Mercy Seat by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.
The WhatIGotSoFar series on Women
September 6, 2007 at 8:31 am
There’s a great scene in About Schmidt where Jack Nicholson pisses all over the toilet seat after his wife dies because she made him keep it down for years and years.
September 6, 2007 at 9:05 am
Well, from a woman’s perspective, I can say that it is extremely unpleasant when you’re drunk or just asleep to fall in the loo because someone forgot to drop the toilet seat.
September 6, 2007 at 9:11 am
I’m glad I don’t have to worry about this. My husband doesn’t raise it. I can’t explain that at the moment…
September 6, 2007 at 9:17 am
WIGSF, always fighting the good bathroom fight.
September 6, 2007 at 9:22 am
My friend Tim always tells me to “put the seat back up” when i’m done at his house.
The only reason i’d prefer it down is that I don’t piss all over the seat like men do and then expect a woman to put her hand in your pissy mess to put it down, ewe.
September 6, 2007 at 9:37 am
BDS - that’s so Jack.
modobs - if you’re too drunk to operate a toilet, that’s your problem, not mine.
JLee - He pees sitting down or he just gets it right down the middle?
Wiwille - Thank you, remember, I’m doing this for all of us.
Miss Ash - I don’t know Tim, but I like him.
September 6, 2007 at 10:04 am
I know a couple who constantly has this argument. It has gotten to the point where the woman actually suggested that the guy start peeing sitting down. And the guy has admitted to actually sitting down to pee to try it. I’m not sure where the problem lies in their relationship, but actually asking him to sit down to pee and him trying it–already spells dysfunctional.
September 6, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Angel - are you half of the couple? I’ve heard this story before. “Yeah, I’ve got a friend…”
September 6, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Yeah! That’s what I call a fair and balanced perspective. I am man, hear me roar!
October 15, 2007 at 2:16 pm
I think the only equitable solution is for for both the man and woman to put both seats down after use. This also keeps whatever dogs are around from drinking out of the toilet.