Bloopies: MLB 2007

The Freddy Quimby Trophy Awarded to the player or coach who most exemplifies Freddy Quimby’s willingness to kill you, kill all of you, especially those of you in the jury. This year’s winner is Milton Bradley of the San Diego Padres. A preseason favourite for the award, he waited until the last month to make a last ditch effort to win it. Had Milton not erupted the way he did, this would have been another major league Bloopie awarded to a minor leaguer as Jose Offerman had all but ran away with the trophy, bat in hand.

The Who Did What Award Given to a player who doesn’t just have a big breakout year, but does it without anybody seeing it coming. Especially because nobody had ever heard of the guy. Carlos Pena is this year’s winner. Playing in Tampa Bay, he hit 44 home runs this year, he drove in 121 runs, but only plated 99 times. But when playing in Tampa Bay, really, who’s gonna hit ya home?

M.V.T.P. The Most Valuable Tatooine Player award is being handed out to a rookie for the very first time. This year, Joba the Chamberlain of the New York Yankees is the winner. He is this year’s real feel good story. It was only two years ago, he was still in Tatooine, farming water and bullseyeing womp rats in his T-16.

The Brass Balls Award This is given to the player with the most scrutinized trip to Toronto’s classiest strip joint, the Brass Rail. This year the award is given to Alex Rodriguez. Not only did he visit the club during the season while visiting Toronto for a series, but he took a date that wasn’t his wife. That takes balls.

The Abusive Manager Award This award is often give to a coach or manager who blows up at an umpire in an extraordinairy manner. And this year Bobby Cox broke the record for most game ejections but did none of them this year with any flair. But this year’s winner was an accident. Bud Black of the San Diego Padres accidently takes this award because he was restraining Milton Bradley from attacking an umpire. In the process, he tripped Milton and thusly, caused Milton to tear his ACL.

The Stop It, They’re Already Dead Award This is given to the team that won’t stop running up the score. This year the award has to go to the Texas Rangers. In a double header in Baltimore, the Rangers put up 39 runs, the first 30 in game one.

The Worst Heckler of the Year Mr. A from the infamous Johnny 1937 incident takes home this award, along with the ball Johnny Damon passed to him when he wasn’t paying attention.

The He Better Not Comeback Award Carlos Pena won the AL Comeback Player Award, good for him. But this year, the Cubs are going to the playoffs. That means there’s one man nobody wants to see comeback, and that’s Steve Bartman. I hope the Cubs have “Do not admit” posters with Bartman’s face on it by ever ticket-taker at Wrigley Field.

Last years winners: Bloopies 2006.