Red Light District of the Apes
For those of you who disapprove of evolution… monkeys practice a small degree of economics.
Researchers have determined that male macaques in Indonesia have to trade their services as bug pickers in order to receive sexual favours from the females. For a male macaque to get some, he must first pick the bugs off of his potential mate. In colonies where there are a higher percentage of females, the males have more mating options and thusly don’t have to pick that many bugs off the female. When the females are in smaller numbers, the males must spend more time picking off the bugs in order to engage in some hot monkey lovin’.
Last night, I tested this macaque behaviour with humans. I ventured out into the usual human mating ground, a bar, and looked for a potential mate. Using only my thumbs and index fingers, I began to groom a lovely, young lady. After only three seconds of grooming, I received some physical contact. She slapped me.
Undettered by the obvious rejection of the first woman, I tried again with another woman. She too slapped me.
I can take a hint. I left the bar. I wanted to make sure these researchers were not blowing smoke up my ass so I visited the macaque habitat at the local zoo.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m in love. Her name is Mindy, she’s a macaque from a tiny island in Indonesia. I don’t care what you think, our love is pure and true, and we’re going to get married.
Source: Yahoo! News
January 3, 2008 at 10:03 am
when do I get to meet her?
January 3, 2008 at 10:19 am
Nothin’ wrong with some good ol’ Monkey lovin.
January 3, 2008 at 10:35 am
Bob - the engagement party is this Saturday at the Polar Bear exhibit.
Dan - damn right!
January 3, 2008 at 11:40 am
Ummm I think your lack of sleep has finally caught up with you. Run to the nearest sleep clinic…run!!
January 3, 2008 at 11:54 am
jealous???
January 3, 2008 at 2:04 pm
yeah, who are we to judge.
January 3, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Yes i’m very jealous…
January 3, 2008 at 2:41 pm
So you’ll be primating very soon then? (Ahem.)
January 4, 2008 at 5:10 pm
This is freaking me out because yesterday I saw a show about apes mating with humans at some point in time. EW
Does Mindy like to be brushed? haha
January 4, 2008 at 7:51 pm
But you know, if I had an icky bug on me and didn’t want to touch it–and the “man” I was with refused to remove it??? Well, hell, he sure wouldn’t be getting any.
January 4, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Replace picking bugs with “compliments you don’t beleive” and “free drinks” and you got your girl (as long as you don’t aim too high).
January 4, 2008 at 9:36 pm
vinylrichie - so you’re in favour of my interspecies relations?
JLee - That does explain people with really hairy backs.
Jessica - Well, I guess women in Canada are more willing to stay bug-infested.
Big Ben - I might give that a try. The zoo has been unwilling to let Mindy and I wed.