Red Light District of the Apes

For those of you who disapprove of evolution… monkeys practice a small degree of economics.

Researchers have determined that male macaques in Indonesia have to trade their services as bug pickers in order to receive sexual favours from the females. For a male macaque to get some, he must first pick the bugs off of his potential mate. In colonies where there are a higher percentage of females, the males have more mating options and thusly don’t have to pick that many bugs off the female. When the females are in smaller numbers, the males must spend more time picking off the bugs in order to engage in some hot monkey lovin’.

Last night, I tested this macaque behaviour with humans. I ventured out into the usual human mating ground, a bar, and looked for a potential mate. Using only my thumbs and index fingers, I began to groom a lovely, young lady. After only three seconds of grooming, I received some physical contact. She slapped me.

Undettered by the obvious rejection of the first woman, I tried again with another woman. She too slapped me.

I can take a hint. I left the bar. I wanted to make sure these researchers were not blowing smoke up my ass so I visited the macaque habitat at the local zoo.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m in love. Her name is Mindy, she’s a macaque from a tiny island in Indonesia. I don’t care what you think, our love is pure and true, and we’re going to get married.

Source: Yahoo! News