Why…
Why can’t I be your baby
Why can’t I be your man
I … it’s driving me crazy
Why I don’t understand - Wide Mouth Mason
For some reason, some of you people want to know why I was reading a bridal magazine. Well, I can’t think of anything to write about this morning, so I’ll answer that question.
I was at my Mother’s house fixing her computer. She had clicked some popup window or malicious ad or something and had been hit with some trojan virus. Being her computer tech guy, it was my job to fix her mistakes.
While the computer was scanning or loading or restoring or installing or whatever it was doing while I was rolling it back and reinstalling software, I needed something to do. I noticed an issue of Today’s Bride magazine on her desk. What the heck, I started flipping through it. I was bored, it was something to do.
Back to the topic of bridal gowns themselves. I am right in thinking that the gown is designed to make the the bride look like the princess she wanted to be when she was seven years old, but with a big rack, right? Meanwhile the men in their tuxedos, are meant to look like the mindless penguin automotons all women want them to be.
February 21, 2008 at 7:54 am
why does your mom have a bridal magazine?
February 21, 2008 at 8:39 am
Because my Dad is finally making an honest woman of her. Kidding. My Bro is getting married and his fiancee gave the mag to my Mom so she could check out the non-wedding gowns shown. My Mom wants a new dress for the wedding. And I guess she needs a magazine to help her find one.
I don’t get it. I’m just going to my tailor and get a black suit. Pretty sure that’s what my Bro is doing.
February 21, 2008 at 8:56 am
Do you have bridal exhibitions in Canada? Because in here, it’s quite popular. And a true living nightmare…
February 21, 2008 at 9:46 am
girls are different. you should know that by now.
I am looking forward to getting my middle school-esque note. I hope you fedexed it or something so it would get here sooner. It better include some kind of “check yes or no” option.
February 21, 2008 at 10:25 am
I love when you write fiction.
February 21, 2008 at 11:00 am
They should have one standard dress that every woman has to wear so we can be just as lazy as the men…picking out the same type of tux for every event.
February 21, 2008 at 11:02 am
It seemed pretty obvious (at least to me) that the magazine was connected to your brother’s upcoming nuptuals, so that wasn’t any huge surprise — but I’m starting to think the real story here is finding out just what kind of web-surfing it was that your moms was doing to put her in the sights of a pop-up ad carrying a trojan virus.
Note to self: find wigsf-mom’s myspace ASAP. Bwow-chikka-wow-wow
February 21, 2008 at 11:39 am
modobs - probably, I’m a dude, I really wouldn’t know this stuff.
Maxie - Its surprisingly difficult to put myself in the mindset of a 12 year old boy. Seeing as how I live permanently in the mindset of 13 year old boy.
Bob - Like all those stories about how you don’t suck.
Miss Ash - or just go nekkid!
Dan - she told she was researching gowns for my Bro’s wedding. And you should know by now, one should never make kissy faces with an Italian guy’s mother. Better people than you have suffered horrible fates for such grievances. Yous understand.
February 21, 2008 at 11:49 am
I’m sure your future wife would be happy to let you wear a gown too if the tux is not your thing?
February 21, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Well, I never wanted to be a princess, but I wanted a nice dress. It was my first time! Also, I bought the cheapest one I could find. I don’t get why women spend upwards of thousands of dollars on a dress! We cheaped out a lot on our wedding so we could have money for the Honeymoon… and future rent payments.
Say what you want about what the groom has to wear, but the H only ever rocks basketball shorts and wrestling t-shirts. He can wear what he wants, but he WAS wearing a tux on our day. And who wants a mindless penguin automaton? That’s unnatural!
February 21, 2008 at 1:33 pm
You should write your own wedding rag.
February 21, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I am going to be a big spoilsport and hate on the wedding industry. *HATE HATE HATE!* For the most part it’s heavy-duty emotional blackmail, convincing people to go into debt for the sake of appearances. The best weddings I’ve been to have been home-made: a gown made by the bride’s sister, a pot-luck dinner, the ceremony and celebrations at a friend’s cottage instead of a rented hall. No automatons there!
February 21, 2008 at 1:58 pm
JLee - I could only marry a woman who would agree to a sans-clothing wedding. Although I would be naked. I would put on work boots and one of those miner’s hard hats with the flashlight up front. There’s an image to make you lose your appetite.
Jillian - It is silly to spend lots of money on a piece of clothing you will only wear once and that will most likely get ripped off you by a man who is drunk and incredibly horny.
Wiwille - I can’t write music pal. I just can’t. I’m like Colin Mochrie trying to sing a hoedown. I really, really am.
February 21, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Spark - I was pushing my Brother’s fiancee to have the elope to Vegas wedding. My Brother was cool with that. The fiancee was not. And not just because I could use a vacation and Vegas is apparently a lot of fun. I completely agree with you about the emotional blackmail aspect. And then when you add the Church’s unwillingness to be accomodating to other traditions or new ideas, a bride and groom can find themselves being overwhelmed from every angle.
February 21, 2008 at 3:06 pm
You should marry a Betazoid, they have naked weddings.
Meanwhile, I am looking for the news report on who Mike James plans on replacing in the NOH starting lineup: MoPete or Chris Paul.
February 21, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Betazoid???
February 21, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Infected computers are never fun. I’ve had to deal with them too many times. I can’t remember ever wanting to be a princess, but wedding dresses are beautiful, and I always aim to please.
February 21, 2008 at 7:03 pm
+100 NerdPoints for that picture.
February 21, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Grace - okay, not sure where you were going with that, whatever.
Woozie - us nerds gotta stick together, and wash yo nutz.
February 21, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I wore a cheapo dress for my first wedding and a used dress for my second wedding. If this marriage doesn’t work out, I’m not getting married again. Weddings, in general, are over-rated in my opinion. Maybe I think this way because I’ve had two of them. I, personally, think most men look uncomfortable in tuxedos and that makes them look like dorks (like your Robot picture). Now, Brad Pitt on the other hand…he ROCKS a tux, and pretty much anything he wears (or doesn’t wear
You should also stop looking a Bridal magazines. If you want to check out hot chicks with nice racks (and not porno) just pick up a “chick” magazine like Cosmopolitan, Elle, Marie Claire, or Vogue….
February 22, 2008 at 9:34 am
I wasn’t looking to check out hot chicks. I was bored. The isn’t a whole lot to do in my Mother’s office when the computer is occupied. After for those other mags, I don’t think my Mom has those. She reads Country Woman.
February 22, 2008 at 9:45 am
Betazoid women are hot but dangerous, it is like they can read your mind!
February 23, 2008 at 11:10 am
Aww ^^
February 24, 2008 at 9:28 am
I think most women are into the princess look, so yes. I decided that I’m not wearing white for the facts I look horrible in it (I’m pretty pale) and I ALWAYS spill things on my white clothing. I’m going for blue. We’ll see how my family reacts when that day comes.