How I Fixed How I Met Your Mother

I lost a lot of respect for the show after Barney and Robin did it. Sure, bringing in Sarah Chalke was a nice touch, but too little too late. We know she ain’t the mother. Marshall’s hair is still awful, if anything, it’s getting worse. And, the show is taking the mystery away from Barney. He’s not supposed to have depth. He’s just supposed to be there, be an asshole and leave.

I watched last night’s episode and I was pretty much lost. I guess Ted is still dating Sarah Chalke’s character and Barney and Ted are on the outs. I miss one or two episodes and look what happens. What else did I miss? Did Ranjit do it with Lily’s mom?

Britney Spears returned, looking nothing like the character she played in her first appearance although she was playing the same character. (You know, if the whole whore thing doesn’t work out for her, she may be able to find work as a ditzy blonde actress.)

Here is how I would fix How I Met Your Mother if I was showrunner.

Step One: Bring back the cockamouse. Have an entire season where the characters are being terrorized by the cockamouse. Yet never show the cockamouse in any image that isn’t a blur.

Step Two: Occasionally refer to Barney as Swarley.

Step Three: Send Robin away for a season. Have her take a job in Tokyo or someplace. Fill the void with a string of girlfriends for Ted. Name them all Tracy.

Step Four: Introduce a wacky landlord played by Don Knotts. Oh, wait. He’s dead. How about Norman Fell? Oh darn. He’s dead too. Find somebody, but he’d better be funny.

Step Five: Have Barney compete in a Laser Tag tournament that runs for an entire season of the show. Culminating in the final match on the season finale.

Step Six: Minimize Lily’s role. She brings nothing to the show. It’s about time somebody said it.

There you have it. Six steps for fixing How I Met Your Mother.