Reading through the Toronto Sun newspaper this morning, I came across a special section: the 15th Annual Reader’s Choice Awards. I guess the readers of the newspaper got to select their favourite item from many categories and the newspaper tabulated the votes and displayed the top 3 from every category. The top three were given gold, silver and bronze placings, much like the Olympics. I doubt they got actual medals though, probably just plaques.
I perused this section to see what the readers of the Toronto Sun thought about the city. Apparently Torontonians prefer their pizza from Pizza Pizza as opposed to Pizza Nova and that Pickering Honda (located in Pickering, not Toronto) is Toronto’s best car dealership.
What I found really surprising was the category of Top Torontonian. The winners were: gold, Julian Fantino, commissioner of the Ontario Provincial Police; silver, Mayor David Miller; and bronze, Michael “Pinball” Clemons, CEO of the Toronto Argonauts (of the Canadian Football League).
Little known fact about those three gentlemen: none of them were born in Canada.
What does that say about this country? We cannot breed a top Torontonian. We have to import them. Fantino and Miller arrived here as children and Clemons came here to play football. What hope is there for me to be the top Torontonian? I was born in Canada.
I’m not saying I disagree with the selections. Fantino comes across as a pretty ballsy cop for country that is notorious for having pussy-whipped their own police into ineffectiveness. Clemons shows more love for Toronto than anybody I’ve ever seen. And Miller, well, it’s no secret I’ve hated that man for a long time, but he got re-elected, so somebody must like him.
But where are the Canadian born “great” people. I guess they stay away from Toronto or stay well-hidden when in Toronto.
I also read another interesting story in the paper. This one in the Life – Sex Files section. (Yeah, if you’re unfamiliar with the Toronto Sun, it has a bit of a trashy reputation.) It was some article about an 1894 book on sex tips, or more accurately, how to avoid sex. The article showed how the book tried to teach women how to fake headaches and other such techniques to prevent her from performing her wifely duties. Here’s the article. I also found an article reprinted online that claims to have be written by her.
Here’s some quotes from this book, written by Ruth Smyther.
“Most men are by nature are rather perverted and, if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices, including performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.”
Because a woman hates it when a guy goes down on her.
Now, I’m a prude, a big prude. I’m about as old fashioned as you’ll find these days, but gimme a break. If sex wasn’t fun for women, there would be no sluts.
I like that quote from Ruth. That’s good stuff, and would look good on the back of a t-shirt (not sure what would be on the front).
Too long for a t-shirt quote.
Comment by BDS — November 28, 2008 @ 12:00 pm
so do you think your Dad has any chance of being named Top Torontonian? Not born in Canada, sure he doesn’t live in Toronto but Pickering Honda isn’t in Toronto either.
My Dad is a such a better Torontonian than those guys.
Comment by Bob — November 28, 2008 @ 12:36 pm
I love that last line…”If sex wasn’t fun for women, there would be no sluts.” You made my drink shoot through my nose.
Finally, somebody thinks I’m funny.
Comment by angelcjr — November 28, 2008 @ 2:37 pm
It’s pretty good advice, if avoiding sex is the ultimate goal. Listening to someone babble about housework is definitely a turn-off.
Know that from experience.
Comment by Sparkling Red — November 28, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
lol, that quote is priceless! That Smyther lady really knew what she was talking about.
I’m sorry that your dreams of being Top Torontonian have been shattered. Maybe move to another of Canada’s sane cities… you’ll probably have better luck there.
I was thinking about moving to Moose Jaw and try to get the title there, but I think a local hockey coach would probably beat me out every year.
Comment by grace — November 28, 2008 @ 3:53 pm
I think you should start a movement to make sure all future Top Torontonians are born in Toronto. That seems only fair.
You think of yourself as a prude? That’s news. Why do you think that?
And poor old Ruth sounds like she really needed to get laid. Either she was never married or her husband was terrible in bed. I pity her. That “vile bodies” line kind of made me sad. She clearly had no appreciation for the glory of the male form. Maybe she was a lesbian.
I think she was married to a Methodist reverend.
And yes, I am a prude. Trust me.
Comment by DarcsFalcon — November 28, 2008 @ 7:27 pm
Some things never change. Men are still pervs. ha
And women keep faking headaches.
Comment by JLee — November 28, 2008 @ 8:27 pm