Scary

At the Falls, the Twins and I went in a couple of haunted house attractions. The first one was the haunted house in the Hollywood Wax Museum building. It wasn’t scary at all. Was pretty cool though. There was this guy strapped to a guerney and stood up. Upon approaching, it started shaking and writhing. Eventually, it was banging it’s head against the chainlink fence in front of it. Then there was this electric chair controlled by a big red button. Nobody sat in it, but when activated, it shook and made a lot, I mean a lot of smoke. That was all pretty cool.

The next haunted house we tried was called Nightmares. This one sucked. We had to wait in line for a long time as only a few people at a time were allowed in. While waiting in line, we saw more people leave through the entrance than the exit. Those were the people who chickened out. It wasn’t scary. Not at all. The entire time, the maze is pitch black. The only light is a series of red diodes we were told to follow. All the while, there’s an actor following us tickling us with feathers and stuff, making noises. It wasn’t scary. Very few things actually happened in this haunted house. I spent much of the time looking for the next red light to go towards.

Killing time in line for this crappy haunted house, my friends and I discussed what was actually scary. Haunted houses don’t scare me. So what does scare me? I know that nothing really bad can happen to me in a haunted house. Real stuff scares me. If I wake up and find a lump on one of my testicles, that would be scary. Cancer scares me. Diseases and stuff like that are scary. Vege-terrorists banning the eating of meat, that scares me. Health-freaks imposing their view of what to eat upon me, scares me a lot.

On a sidenote, if I wake up and see a headline on the newspaper stating that fried chicken and donuts being banned by law, I would take up arms and just start hunting all the people responsible. This is not a joke. This is a real threat. Anybody who stops me from eating my chicken fingers and donuts will be assassinated by me. Maybe tortured too. You see, there is no punishment that scares me more than living a life of “freedom” that doesn’t include some chicken and donuts. I would rather be in jail with all the bad things that happen in jail than be living a life in which I’m told I’m free but doesn’t include chicken and donuts. Freedom for me involves the freedom to eat some fried chicken and some donuts. I would live the rest of my life in jail and all of the afterlife in Hell to protect my ability to eat a fried chicken and have a donut for dessert.

But back to the topic at hand, what is scary? What scares you? Are movies scary? What about listening to Black Sabbath in the dark at midnight during a thunderstorm? Is that scary? What are you afraid of?

The unknown, that’s scary. When you don’t know what is going to happen and you can imagine your own death, that’s scary. A haunted house attraction at Niagara Falls, that’s not scary at all. You know nothing is going to happen to you in there. Being that this is Canada, if somebody actually got scared to death in one of those places, it would probably get shut down. But it would also make the place a lot more popular until it gets shut down.

I now pose the question to you, what scares you?