It was the oddest thing. Last night, my friend Columbia was back in town so we met up for drinks at the Honest Lawyer. Now, my friend Columbia may live out of town, but it’s not like he’s one of those friends who I haven’t seen in ten years and all we talk about is stuff that happened ten years ago. When we meet up everytime he comes back to Toronto (about twice a year) we discuss contemporary stuff, and music (he still thinks Floyd is better than Zeppelin).
But last night, we spent much of the evening discussing grade school (where we met). I don’t know how the discussion went there, but it did. And too much of the discussion focused on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Any discussion about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by adults is too much.
So, with that in mind, let’s discuss the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Who is your favourite Turtle? And why?
First, there’s Leonardo. He’s in blue and wields a pair of katana swords. Leonardo is Columbia’s choice because he is always calm and collected. He is, if anyone of the four could be, the leader of the group.
Columbia’s girlfriend chose Donatello. He’s in purple and carries a bo stick. Donatello is the most tech savy and smartest of the bunch.
The third is Michelangelo. He wears orange and wields a pair of nunchukus. Those are those little sticks held together with a short chain. Michelangelo’s personality is much like his weapon, wild and wacky.
The final member of this quartet is Raphael. Both Bob and I picked him as our favourite. First of all, he wears red. Second of all, his has the oddest weapon. The sai is that short three pronged dagger. But mostly, he’s the most badass of the bunch. The rebel who plays by his own rules.
As I write this, I wonder. The pair of guys (Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird) who came up with the idea of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, what the hell were they smoking? Think about how screwed up a concept the Turtles are. A group of mutated turtles study and practice martial arts. How much do you have to mutate a turtle to give it: a) ability to walk on its hind legs; b) ability to speak and converse with humans; c) abiilty to grasp science and engineering concepts; and d) the dexterity to be a freakin’ ninja! Then, throw in the fact that they eat lots of pizza. Okay, you try staying in shape on an all pizza diet. Can’t be done. (Lord knows I’ve tried.)
Although the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were entertaining for me as a child, I can’t help but look back and cringe at the worst moment in their existance. (Grace, this one’s for you darlin’.) In the second live action film based on these characters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: the Secret of the Ooze (yeah, I know, wicked title), the four turtles get on stage and dance at small concert venue where none other than Vanilla Ice performs Ninja Rap.
I had a hard time sleeping last night. Eventually, as I lay on the couch watching King of the Hill, I dozed off into a dream. The dream, I remember things from it.
The premise, I was heading downtown to meet someone I had gone to grade school with, but hadn’t seen since. I don’t know why I was meeting her or how we reconnected. I’m not even sure if I remember her name. But for whatever reason, I was meeting her late one night in downtown Toronto.
I distinctly remember using a public restroom to style my hair. Although I didn’t like the way my hair was turning out, I left it as is because she burst through the door to the mensroom and said “Come on, let’s go.” Before going to the mensroom, I remember her wearing a jacket. After though, she was wearing a nice green dress. Something that really showed off her bah-sooms.
I remember me and her discussing where each of us were living. She said she was in Brampton, near the town centre, in a crappy apartment. I made some comment about how Brampton has a Dennys.
That’s when I woke up.
Something else I noticed last night. I was watching the DVDs I have of The Critic, the short-lived animated series about a fat, bald movie critic. I perused through the special features to find a series of animated shorts created for the internet. I’ve had this DVD set for years and I’ve never noticed these “webisodes” before. Awesome, new (to me) content!
It’s been some time since I’ve written another entry in my series on women. But this morning, inspiration struck.
In many ways, a woman is like the Roadrunner. It travels around at high speeds shaking its tailfeather. All the while being persued by the Coyote. Man is the Coyote. The Coyote chases the Roadrunner repeatedly, failing with every opportunity.
The difference, the only difference, between a woman and the Roadrunner, is that the Roadrunner doesn’t complain about how the Coyote can never seem to catch it. Women complain when there aren’t any nices guys around. Ladies, the nice guys are everywhere. Stop running and turn around. See that Coyote with the Acme Rocket Roller Skates that’s about to slam into a tunnel painted on the side of a large rock, he’s a nice guy. Talk to him. For the love of God, don’t let that poor soul slam into the rock.
Ladies, next time you feel the need to utter the phrase “Why can’t I meet some nice guys?” Stop, that guy you’re talking to, he’s a nice guy. He is listening to you, isn’t he. Sure, he’s not the cutest guy in the world, but I’m sure he’s got some traits you’ve been looking for in a potential mate. So, date that Coyote. If things don’t work out, it’s real easy to trick him into falling off a cliff.
This morning, insomnia reared its ugly head yet again. My usual nocturnal television watching habits therefore returned as well.
CNN was focusing its efforts on the goings on in Detroit. You see, the mayor of Detroit is being brought up on charges of lying under oath in regards to having had an affair with his chief of staff. (I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: if our elected officials can’t get a little pussy on the side, what hope is there for the rest of us?) It seemed to me that everybody on the Lou Dobbs show last night was black. All the key figures in the story (the mayor and his chief of staff) were black. All the guests and so-called experts brought in to discuss this story were black. It just seemed a bit odd to me. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Or maybe CNN wants only black people talking about news stories involving black people.
Eventually I grew bored of the news and watched King of the Hill instead. In this episode, Hank was being courted to join a country club that caters to Asian Americans. The club needed him to join in order to appease the PGA and show that the club has white members.
Why do we still judge people based on the colour of their skin? It’s so much easier to judge people by their political affiliations. Oh, what’s that you say? You’re a Liberal. Well fuck you Libby! We don’t want you kind ’round here! Why don’t you go home and smoke a doobie with Maggie Trudeau and Keith Richards. You make me sick.
In completely unrelated news, remember that contest in which my friend Columbia put up $500 as an incentive to get Bob to go out and get laid. Well, the Wonder Twins look to be adding some incentive on top of that.
Recently, Bob has let it be known that he wants to cocoon himself in his home and play video games online. He’s just missing the XBox he would need to play the games. It looks like the Wonder Twins are going to offer up an XBox to Bob as a reward if he can pick up a woman.
Speaking of gaming, I’ve been playing a bit lately too. A game called Rainbow Six Vegas. I’m a picky guy when it comes to video games. I like a first person shooter that’s not so realistic. But this game is slowly growing on me. Or maybe I just like running around shooting Mexicans.
This tale all begins on Thursday. Work was an absolute piece of shit on Thursday. My previous blog post mentioned Thursday sucking, but it was written Thursday morning. Thursday got worse. Thursday was one of those make a u-turn in a crowded parking structure while driving in reverse with a vehicle with no visibility out the back what-so-ever sort of days.
That day, Carmine and I had to switch vehicles. When he returned my vehicle to me, he left the lights on, so the battery was nicely drained, again. That would have been the third of fourth time he’s left the lights on and drained the battery of that vehicle.
Thursday evening, I needed a pair of new jeans to replace the pair I just destroyed. Although I knew it would be difficult finding something there I liked, I went to the largest mall in Canada. In that mall, the biggest mall in all the land, there was not a single pair of jeans that were not in the vintage look. I ALREADY HAVE OLD JEANS! I WANT A NEW PAIR OF JEANS! I settled on the least vintage looking pair I could find.
The jeans had a belt through the loops when I bought them. Okay, neat, free belt. Then I looked at the belt. Whatta crappy belt! No buckle or clasp or little pokey device. Just two metal loops. I’m sorry, but if I have to think about the belt to close it, it’s not a belt, it’s a challenge. It’s not long enough to hang myself with; I guess I’ll use to garrote people. Sure’s it’s a bit thick, but it should do the trick.
As I stumbled through the mall, I saw a lineup of children waiting to get there photo taken with somebody. It was Mr. Easter Bunny.
Wait a minute… Mr. MR!
Although I had never been told of the Easter Bunny’s gender, I had just assumed it was a woman. Think about that. The Easter Bunny delivers eggs. The last time I checked, egg production was the responsibility of the female of the species. You ever see a rooster lay an egg? Nope, I didn’t think so.
So Mr. Easter Bunny gets to go from town to town, mall to mall, meeting all kinds of wonderful people while Mrs. Easter Bunny has to stay home, plopping out chocolate eggs all day long. Somewhere in that situation, there exists a problem.
You just know that when Mr. Easter Bunny gets home, he’s going to say to the Mrs. “Hey honey, make some dinner. I’ve had a really long day.”
“I’m sick and tired of you coming home at all hours and demanding dinner. Take me out. You never take me anywhere any more.”
“Gimme me a break. I’ve just spent all day being sat on by snot-nosed little brats who just wanted to pull my ears. My goddamn ears are really goddamn sore. Just make a salad or something.”
“Make your own damn salad.”
“You’ve been home all day watching Oprah and your stories. I’ve been out, working! All I ask is one little salad.”
“That’s it Mr. I’m going to my mother’s.”
After the mall, I had to go to the grocery store. My Mother had told me she had forgot to buy an onion. An onion she needed for the Good Friday dinner. No problem I thought. I could just swing by the grocery store, pick up an onion and be in and out in two minutes.
Yeah right!
I hate going to the grocery store the day before a holiday. The place is always packed. And parents these days. They don’t discipline their children. All they do is load them up with so much sugar that the children become overstimulated and start to show symptoms of ADD. Which then causes the parents to dope the children up further with ridolin or someother mind-altering chemical. Hello, people! Make your children eat a fruit or something instead of candy, chocolate and candy-coated chocolate. There were these two kids, rolling on the floor while their mother was checking out a shopping cart full of food at the check-yourself-out express line. If this woman went to a regular line with a cashier, the cashier could scan each item and bag it and the mother could watch and discipline her horrible children. But no…
Now, where were we? Oh, yeah…the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war; the only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.
…
On Friday, I didn’t have the pasta. Too much work to cook pasta for myself as I didn’t want the spaghetti my Father was making. I had some chicken instead. My Aunt gave me a dirty look while I was cooking the chicken and said “You can’t eat chicken on Good Friday.”
My response “How good can it be if I can’t eat chicken?”
“Good point.”
After dinner, my cousin wanted to show me his blog. We did the you-show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine. So, at some point he got to reading that post I wrote about ugly boobs. My cousin, of course, decides to read it aloud so that everybody, including my Mother could hear it.
Has anybody actually had to defend usage of the term ‘pizza boobs’ to their mother? Well, now I have had to live through that terrible ordeal.
After dinner, there was a rousing game of Wizard. I won of course. Meanwhile, my Mother was watching some television program with naked ladies. Yeah, where do I come up with all this boobs-on-the-mind stuff for my blog? Where Mom? Where!
Saturday started out with a rousing burst of excitement. Yup, I went to work Saturday morning. Got suckered into that. Was back home by 2 or 3 in the afternoon.
Saturday night, I went to see Juice at his place. We did the lazy Saturday night hangout stuff. Ordered pizza, played Scrabble and watched some DVD he bought at the dollar store. Nothing says Easter weekend like The Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman.
On Sunday, I called in sick. No, not for work. (Sure, I’m sick of work, but who isn’t?) My Aunt was hosting Easter lunch as usual. I don’t quite know why, but I felt like human garbage.
I stayed home, watched some documentary series on MuchMoreMusic. It was called Heavy and was all about heavy metal. All the same old same old. Clips of Nikki Sixx talking about excess and Bruce Dickinson dressing like heavy metal is the last thing on his mind. He looked like Steve Irwin during the interview clips.
Best part was when everybody was talking about how Rob Halford really started the black leather and studs look for heavy metal. All the people being interviewed had that weird look on their face as they were trying to credit Halford for developing the fashion sense without saying “He got it from the gay scene.” Eventually, Scott Ian of Anthrax broke down and said “So, he’s gay. There’s nothing wrong with that.” But by the look on his face, I’m not sure he agreed with his own statement.
I hope everybody had a great Easter weekend. And for you athiests out there. Jesus died so you could have a three day weekend (in some cases, a four day weekend), so next time you start in on the whole God-is-fake thing, remember how many days off work you get because of Him.
Here are the correct answers for the contest. I’ve even included a brief explanation. (In case you actually care.)
Question #1 - Who is my favourite female vocalist?
a) Betty Davis
b) Ann Wilson c) Mavis Staples
d) Tina Turner
All great voices with character and all have some great music. But only one could be my favourite. Mavis Staples is that one. Listen to her on The Last Waltz and tell me that’s not the greatest sound a woman has ever made. You read that right. The greatest sound.
Question #2 - What is my favourite fruit? a) Cherry
b) Banana
c) Grape
d) Honeydew Melon
I prefer cherries. That is all. Not as much as I prefer the artificial cherry flavour that found its way into gum and soda pop, but they are the yummiest of all fruits.
Question #3 - Why is that my favourite fruit?
a) The colour b) The flavour
c) How I think it resembles a sexual organ
d) It makes me seamen sweeter
Anybody who chose option D, what the heck were you thinking? Even if that was true, that a fruit could make my seed taste sweeter (I’ve heard pineapple does that), why would I care? I’m not going to taste my seed. What do you think I am, some contortionist who likes to blow himself? Cherries are the tastiest of all fruits. Pretty simple stuff there folks.
Question #4 - Who did I vote for in the last federal election?
a) The NDP candidate b) The Green Party candidate
c) The Liberal Party candidate
d) I spoiled my ballot
I disliked the Conservative candidate in my riding and the Green guy was a former Reform party candidate. I sure as hell wasn’t voting for the commies in the NDP. In hind sight, I should have voted for the Liberal candidate. He won anyway and he earned it. He’s a good politician and a great man.
Question #5 - What was the single greatest baseball game ever?
a) Mark McGwire breaks Roger Maris’ single season home run record
b) Dennis Martinez throws a perfect game
c) Game six of the 1995 World Series d) Game seven of the 1991 World Series
Even though my favourite baseball team lost that game, seeing a pitcher go ten shutout innings in the seventh game of the World Series was just incredible.
Question #6 - What was the first song I ever slow-danced to?
a) Two Steps Behind by Def Leppard b) Tuesday’s Gone by Lynard Skynyrd
c) Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton
d) Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion
I wasn’t going to dance to no Diane Warren crap, that’s fer sure. It was at some birthday party. My buddy B was being nagged by his girlfriend to dance with her. He kept saying “Only if a good song is playing.” Being his good buddy, I dug through the DJs collection until I found something worthwhile. By worthwhile, I mean, you know, some rock ballad. I found the Dazed and Confused soundtrack. My buddy grabbed his gal and I said what the heck and grabbed the birthday girl. And thanks to Woozie for correcting my poor spelling.
Question #7 - Who is my favourite professional wrestler of all time?
a) Hulk Hogan
b) Koko B. Ware
c) Ric Flair d) Bret “The Hitman” Hart
The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be.
Question #8 - Why do I not partake in aquatic activities such as swimming, diving, etc.?
a) Allergic to chlorine
b) I have embarassing tan lines c) Near death experience at a water park
d) I don’t want to mess up my hair
I’m never going back to Wild Water Kingdom.
Question #9 - Who is my favourite MadTV cast member?
a) Bryan Callen b) David Herman
c) Artie Lange
d) Orlando Jones
Question #10 - I have one tattoo, what is it?
a) Barbed wire around my bicep b) A cross
c) A woman’s name
d) The Tasmanian Devil
Simple and both Christian and Rock & Roll.
Question #11 - When I sleep, which direction do I prefer to face?
a) Up
b) Down c) Left
d) Right
I don’t know why, it’s just more comfortable that way.
Question #12 - How many piercings do I have? a) 0
b) 1
c) 2
d) 4
God gave me a certain number of holes in my head and I’d like to keep it that way.
Question #13 - What is my favourite Hallowe’en treat? a) Rockets
b) Jack O’Lantern gumballs
c) Potato chips
d) Candy corn
I love ‘em! Sometimes, I crush ‘em and grind ‘em and put them in a glass of soda pop.
Question #14 - What actor do people most frequently say I look like?
a) Robert DeNiro b) Al Pacino
c) Peter Lorre
d) Tony Danza
I don’t see the resemblence. I definetely see it in my father, but not in me. But people have come up to me and said I look like Al Pacino. A former co-worker of mine used to call me Pacino. He’d say “Hey, Pacino. Hey Scarface. How’s it goin’?” He’s dead now. I found out he slept with my sister. So I killed him.
Question #15 - Who did a see throw a can of beer at a cop?
a) Me
b) Bob
c) Juice d) none of the above
I don’t want to embarass the person who did do it. But I did see a guy throw a nearly full can of beer at a cop. It was a tall boy too.
Question #16 - Why did I watch the Weather Network morning show everyday for a year? a) The anchorwoman was hot
b) I worked outside and needed to know how to dress appropriately
c) Allergy/pollen reports
d) They do best reporting on road conditions
One day she wore tight leather pants. Yow-zah! I think she’s on CTV Newsnet now. Always behind a desk though. And she’s aged a bit. Not well.
Question #17 - What time does my alarm clock go off in the morning? a) 5:30AM
b) 5:45AM
c) 6:00AM
d) 6:15AM
Leaves me just enough time to shower and get dressed before Sportscentre.
Question #18 - What is my favourite flavour of tea?
a) Peppermint b) Vanilla Bean
c) Orange Pekoe
d) Ginger
It’s hard to find a good brand, but it’s wonderful stuff if you can find it.
Question #19 - What do I want to have done to my remains after I pass away?
a) Cremation
b) Burial c) Stuffed and have my head mounted like a buck
d) Burial at sea
Who wants it after I go?
Question #20 - When I was a small child, which television program did I never miss?
a) Mr. Dressup
b) Romper Room
c) The Friendly Giant d) The Flintstones
12:00PM, channel 8 in Toronto, the CTV affliate would play it every weekday. I’d get home just before it started from kindergarten and I’d plunk my butt down on the floor and not move for thirty minutes. Yabba dabba doo!
Question #21 - How old was I when I ate my very first hamburger?
a) 5 years old
b) 10 years old
c) 15 years old d) 25 years old
I found beef to be an acquired taste. I actually spent much of my life as a vegetarian. I very rarely ate any meat as a child and a teen. Obviously, expect for the meat flavouring in McDonald’s french fries that most people didn’t know about.
Question #22 - What is the name I use to describe my usual pizza order (toppings include ground beef, grilled chicken and bacon)?
a) The Eliminator
b) The Widowmaker c) The Barnyard Massacre
d) Heartattack In A Layby
One of every farm animal I can find. By the looks of this, the vegetarian phase is definetly over. And I’m possibly trying to make up for lost time.
Question #23 - What was my New Year’s Resolution for 1998?
a) Ten pushups, ten situps and ten chinups everyday
b) Read a book every week
c) Regulary attend church d) Keep my hands off myself (you know what I mean)
Question #24 - How long did I maintain my resolution? a) Into September
b) Into June
c) Into February
d) January 2nd
Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer, those pansies. What a bunch of losers! The resolution failed when a buddy of mine brought over a movie called Cheerleader Nurses 2.
Question #25 - What was the first concert I ever attended?
a) Tesla at Kingswood b) Supernova Battle of the Bands at The Gasworks
c) Eye at The Opera House
d) David Bowie at The Air Canada Centre
Juice’s first band was performing. I had to go to show my support.
Question #26 - Who is my favourite stand up comedian
a) Chris Rock b) Dennis Miller
c) Sam Kinison
d) Emo Phillips
[Insert incredibly long and obscure metaphor here.]
Question #27 - What substance did my Brother get me to consume when I was a child?
a) Play-Doh
b) Some small pieces of Lego
c) Yellow snow d) That soapy water solution used to blow bubbles
Amazingly years later, he convinced a friend of mine to do the same. I was 3 or 4 when I drank the stuff. My friend was 20 when he drank the stuff. Yeah, I’ve got some stupid friends.
Question #28 - Who is my favourite Beatle?
a) John
b) Paul c) George
d) Ringo
Almost everybody picks John. I like George. He’s the quiet one.
Question #29 - Who is my favourite wife of a Beatle?
a) Yoko Ono
b) Linda Eastman c) Pattie Boyd
d) Heather Mills
Inspired Layla and had the decency not to get involved with her husband’s music.
Question #30 - Who is my favourite Traveling Wilbury? a) Nelson Wilbury (George Harrison)
b) Lefty Wilbury (Roy Orbison)
c) Charlie T. Jr (Tom Petty)
d) Lucky Wilbury (Bob Dylan)
He sorta started the band.
Question #31 - What is my favourite movie?
a) The Godfather
b) Citizen Kane
c) Scent of a Woman d) The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Just a fantastic movie; I can’t say enough great things about it.
Question #32 - At which venue did I see the Rolling Stones perform? a) Air Canada Centre
b) Downsview Park
c) Horseshoe Tavern
d) Palais Royale
Great show, lots of stuff from Let It Bleed.
Question #33 - What is the most exciting thing in basketball?
a) The cheerleaders
b) Kobe Bryant
c) Big sweaty men bumping and grinding in the paint d) Inflatable Raptor
Bob thinks it’s Kobe and that is a good guess, but it’s Inflatable Raptor. He’s just so cute (therefore possibly deadly) and funny.
Question #34 - What is my favourite musical instrument?
a) Gibson Les Paul guitar b) Mellotron
c) Fiddle
d) Dobro
Big, ugly and competely pointless in a modern recording studio. But listen to Heart of the Sunrise and tell me it’s not great.
Question #35 - When did my insomnia start?
a) Last night b) Fall of 1999
c) Spring of 2003
d) Summer of 1996
It’s when I started doing that graveyard shift job.
Question #36 - What is my favourite watering hole? a) The Madison
b) Panorama
c) Intersteer
d) Archibald’s
For some reason, it’s just more fun to get drunk there than anyplace else. I can’t really explain it. It really sucks when you’re not drinking though.
Feel free to review your answers. I have yet to have the answers verified by my assistant, but the results tentatively look like this:
Third Place… Wiwille
Second Place… Random Chick
and First Place… the Amazing Karnak.
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything substantial about those wacky little gremlins on the airplane of life, women.
The bar is a very odd place in this world. It is quite unlike any other place in the world. The bar is where women have all the power and it’s much more obvious there than any place else. Not all men know that women have all the power in the world, sure those who’ve read my series on women know that as well as any men with like minds to mine. But in the bar, every man knows that in those four walls, women are more powerful.
In the bar, the women are all powerful. They are the judge, jury and executioner.
Here is the situation. A man walks into a bar (ouch). He sees a woman. The woman sees him. If that man wants to talk to that woman, he must make every move, not just the first. This man, before going upto the woman, has to deal with the most difficult decision any man ever has to make more than once: be yourself or be creative. By being yourself, the man just says “Hello, my name is…” or some simple variant. Thus relying on some physical characteristic (an appealling appearance) to not make the woman turn around in indifference. To be creative, the man knows that his appearance isn’t going to get him the woman’s name, so he has to use some hyper-personality behaviour to make an impression on the woman. This is where the silly pickup lines come into play. They really only work on a select few women and are often aided by the man’s physical appearance. For an ugly man, there really is no hope of meeting a woman.
Women differ greatly from men in this situation. If a woman (like this will ever happen) actually went upto a man and did the “Hello, my name is…” line, it will always work. Women deny the validity of that statement. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, women will mess with a man’s mind just because they can. They know it works, but they will never do it. Those who’ve said they’ve done it, are lying. Again, women lie.
Women refuse to accept the fact that it is difficult for a guy to approach a gal. Of course, when the shoe is on the other (more slender) foot, the woman’s response is always “Oh no, I can’t. I’ll get turned down.” Well, what the heck do you women think us guys have to go through everytime one of us approaches one of you? Men in bars, are at best, just like Wile E. Coyote. They run into that painting of the tunnel knowing full well, its just a painting on the side of a mountain, but the Roadrunner is in there and the Coyote is starving. It’s suicide, it really is, but the man does it anyway. What choice does he really have at that point?
Let’s say the man gets lucky enough to get a conversation with the woman. Let’s say, he gets her number. Let’s say, it’s not a bogus number. It will be tomorrow. When interviewed, the best answer a woman ever gave me as to why they give out the fake phone number is this: “I don’t want to create a scene.” Women would rather get a guy’s hopes up just to jerk him around later.
To get a bit personal for a moment, it really has been a long, long time since I’ve met a woman, in person, who I would actually want to get to know better. And only one woman, just one, has ever had the courage to actually say “No” to me. I’ve heard every excuse the English language allows. I’ve heard every reason to get blown off. But only one woman has actually said no. That rejection, I was able to get over really quickly. (A little part of me thinks she might be a man in disguise.) The rejection sucked. They all do. But the honesty cushioned the blow. There was no false sense of hope, there was no chance for optimistic thought.
