Weekend Recap: Easter Ramblings

This tale all begins on Thursday. Work was an absolute piece of shit on Thursday. My previous blog post mentioned Thursday sucking, but it was written Thursday morning. Thursday got worse. Thursday was one of those make a u-turn in a crowded parking structure while driving in reverse with a vehicle with no visibility out the back what-so-ever sort of days.

That day, Carmine and I had to switch vehicles. When he returned my vehicle to me, he left the lights on, so the battery was nicely drained, again. That would have been the third of fourth time he’s left the lights on and drained the battery of that vehicle.

Thursday evening, I needed a pair of new jeans to replace the pair I just destroyed. Although I knew it would be difficult finding something there I liked, I went to the largest mall in Canada. In that mall, the biggest mall in all the land, there was not a single pair of jeans that were not in the vintage look. I ALREADY HAVE OLD JEANS! I WANT A NEW PAIR OF JEANS! I settled on the least vintage looking pair I could find.

The jeans had a belt through the loops when I bought them. Okay, neat, free belt. Then I looked at the belt. Whatta crappy belt! No buckle or clasp or little pokey device. Just two metal loops. I’m sorry, but if I have to think about the belt to close it, it’s not a belt, it’s a challenge. It’s not long enough to hang myself with; I guess I’ll use to garrote people. Sure’s it’s a bit thick, but it should do the trick.

As I stumbled through the mall, I saw a lineup of children waiting to get there photo taken with somebody. It was Mr. Easter Bunny.

Wait a minute… Mr. MR!

Although I had never been told of the Easter Bunny’s gender, I had just assumed it was a woman. Think about that. The Easter Bunny delivers eggs. The last time I checked, egg production was the responsibility of the female of the species. You ever see a rooster lay an egg? Nope, I didn’t think so.

So Mr. Easter Bunny gets to go from town to town, mall to mall, meeting all kinds of wonderful people while Mrs. Easter Bunny has to stay home, plopping out chocolate eggs all day long. Somewhere in that situation, there exists a problem.

You just know that when Mr. Easter Bunny gets home, he’s going to say to the Mrs. “Hey honey, make some dinner. I’ve had a really long day.”

“I’m sick and tired of you coming home at all hours and demanding dinner. Take me out. You never take me anywhere any more.”

“Gimme me a break. I’ve just spent all day being sat on by snot-nosed little brats who just wanted to pull my ears. My goddamn ears are really goddamn sore. Just make a salad or something.”

“Make your own damn salad.”

“You’ve been home all day watching Oprah and your stories. I’ve been out, working! All I ask is one little salad.”

“That’s it Mr. I’m going to my mother’s.”

After the mall, I had to go to the grocery store. My Mother had told me she had forgot to buy an onion. An onion she needed for the Good Friday dinner. No problem I thought. I could just swing by the grocery store, pick up an onion and be in and out in two minutes.

Yeah right!

I hate going to the grocery store the day before a holiday. The place is always packed. And parents these days. They don’t discipline their children. All they do is load them up with so much sugar that the children become overstimulated and start to show symptoms of ADD. Which then causes the parents to dope the children up further with ridolin or someother mind-altering chemical. Hello, people! Make your children eat a fruit or something instead of candy, chocolate and candy-coated chocolate. There were these two kids, rolling on the floor while their mother was checking out a shopping cart full of food at the check-yourself-out express line. If this woman went to a regular line with a cashier, the cashier could scan each item and bag it and the mother could watch and discipline her horrible children. But no…

Now, where were we? Oh, yeah…the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war; the only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

…

On Friday, I didn’t have the pasta. Too much work to cook pasta for myself as I didn’t want the spaghetti my Father was making. I had some chicken instead. My Aunt gave me a dirty look while I was cooking the chicken and said “You can’t eat chicken on Good Friday.”

My response “How good can it be if I can’t eat chicken?”

“Good point.”

After dinner, my cousin wanted to show me his blog. We did the you-show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine. So, at some point he got to reading that post I wrote about ugly boobs. My cousin, of course, decides to read it aloud so that everybody, including my Mother could hear it.

Has anybody actually had to defend usage of the term ‘pizza boobs’ to their mother? Well, now I have had to live through that terrible ordeal.

“Where do you come up with this stuff?”

“Geez Mom, I dunno, maybe I get it from YOU!“

After dinner, there was a rousing game of Wizard. I won of course. Meanwhile, my Mother was watching some television program with naked ladies. Yeah, where do I come up with all this boobs-on-the-mind stuff for my blog? Where Mom? Where!

Saturday started out with a rousing burst of excitement. Yup, I went to work Saturday morning. Got suckered into that. Was back home by 2 or 3 in the afternoon.

Saturday night, I went to see Juice at his place. We did the lazy Saturday night hangout stuff. Ordered pizza, played Scrabble and watched some DVD he bought at the dollar store. Nothing says Easter weekend like The Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman.

On Sunday, I called in sick. No, not for work. (Sure, I’m sick of work, but who isn’t?) My Aunt was hosting Easter lunch as usual. I don’t quite know why, but I felt like human garbage.

I stayed home, watched some documentary series on MuchMoreMusic. It was called Heavy and was all about heavy metal. All the same old same old. Clips of Nikki Sixx talking about excess and Bruce Dickinson dressing like heavy metal is the last thing on his mind. He looked like Steve Irwin during the interview clips.

Best part was when everybody was talking about how Rob Halford really started the black leather and studs look for heavy metal. All the people being interviewed had that weird look on their face as they were trying to credit Halford for developing the fashion sense without saying “He got it from the gay scene.” Eventually, Scott Ian of Anthrax broke down and said “So, he’s gay. There’s nothing wrong with that.” But by the look on his face, I’m not sure he agreed with his own statement.

I hope everybody had a great Easter weekend. And for you athiests out there. Jesus died so you could have a three day weekend (in some cases, a four day weekend), so next time you start in on the whole God-is-fake thing, remember how many days off work you get because of Him.

Weekend Recap & Week Forecast

Saturday

Well, in Southern Ontario, it snowed. Boy, did it ever snow. It didn’t just fall from the sky. the wind blew it around. I shoveled in the morning and then the wind blew it all back. I shoveled in the afternoon and then the wind blew it all back. In the evening, screw that, I stayed inside and relaxed.

Sunday

I awoke to find that all my clocks were an hour behind. Damn you daylight savings time. I also noticed it was sunny outside and the snow had stopped falling. Now, the real shovelling can begin. I strapped on my boots and my earmuff-sized headphones and headed out, shovel in hand. I shoveled and I shoveled. With my iPod on shuffle, I just let it decide what rhythm for me to work with. Nick Cave’s slow piano-based stuff, not so good to shovel the driveway. Not even the track Fifteen Feet of Pure White Snow. But that is why I’ve got T.Rex on my iPod. T.Rex is great music for shoveling the driveway. Tennessee Ernie Ford has got nothing on Marc Bolan.

The highest the snow in my driveway rose to was between knee and waist high. Except for the buildup created by the streetplow. The snow itself was the fluffy light kind. Easy to shovel, but very likely to get blown back into my face if the wind picks up.

By around lunchtime, I was done the driveway. The walk upto the front door, that can wait until Monday night. That will be pretty difficult even though it’s a pretty short walk; I had to shovel snow from the driveway into the walk. The highest point, the snow is about five, five and half feet high.

After lunch, I went out for a drive. The roads were pretty clean. I did some errand type stuff. I ended up at Yorkdale, got a coffee-ish beverage. I casually walked around the mall, looked into a couple of stores and a couple of window displays. The mannequins never cease to amaze me. It is not only that the mannequin is dressed like a hooker, it is even posed like a hooker. Call me a prude, but who the eff would actually wear such clothing (or lack there of)? The store’s name is Guess. I stood there trying to think of how much I should leave on the nightstand. Then I thought to myself “Aww, screw it. I’ve got better things to do with my time than guess how much that hooker wants for a plastic bj.” Class, your name is not Marciano.

This Week’s Forecast

This week is March Break for all the kidlets around town. As for me, other than my usual dosage of work, work and more work, I plan on getting some more shoveling done. I want to clear the walk to the front door. I’m not really sure where I can put the snow. If I just pile it up beside, it will make a wall of pure snow. Other than that, I don’t think I’ll be doing much. The diet hasn’t gone well. I pigged out much of Saturday, but it hasn’t shown on my waist. The shoveling must be provided a decent workout. So I’m going to keep on shoveling. Maybe I’ll do the backyard too. I’ve noticed the cat has burrowed a mineshaft in the snow to get in and out of the petdoor in his little house.

Have a great week everybody and if you live somewhere that didn’t feel the snow, I feel bad for you. You’re missing out on a lot of fun.

4 Things I’m Looking Forward To

Here’s a list of 4 things I’m really looking forward to in 2008. Sure, its a bit into the year for doing this sort of thing, but I’m a procrastinator.

1. My brother’s wedding. I think a wedding is a special event that can also be a lot of fun. Just so long as its not me up there being branded for life. Its also an excuse to wear a really nice suit.
2. Getting an LCD television and a new home theatre system. Right now I’ve got this old plasma monitor. Its pretty good but it predates the high definition signal. It can display upto 1080i. That’s well and good for movies and TV, but for video games, it can lag a little bit. Also, it would be nice to have a proper 5.1 or better theatre system. The makeshift system I’ve got now is pretty good, if it was a stereo system. The big speakers in the front overpower the rear and the surround experience (overrated as it may be) is not quite the way it should be.
3. Hot Shots Golf for the Playstation 3. Previous versions of the game on the Playstation 2 are a lot of fun. Now with 50 GBs of space, let’s see what kind of crazy characters and courses the game can offer.
4. The new Counting Crows album. Their last record (Hard Candy) was at the very beginning of the decade and it was spotty at best. The good songs were good, but the rest of the album was just a waste of space. The rumours I’ve heard is that this record will lean slightly into the country direction. Hard Candy was a bit too poppy and ’80s-ish for my liking.

Insomnia Blogging IV

I think that a sleep-deprived mind is something akin to a drug high. I heard somewhere that Dali painted the melting clocks (can’t be bothered to get the name of the painting) after being awake for several days. I’ve also heard that Salvador Dali was a drug using sexual deviant. So how can you really be sure if the painting was a result of sleep-deprivation or just a drug-induced hallucination; or just something to get weird chicks to go to bed with him.

The point I’m trying to make is I’ve had some pretty weird thoughts lately. I haven’t painted anything. I haven’t got any paint. Paint is not my medium. Its far too tasty to waste on canvas. My thoughts haven’t really been expressed through any medium. They just float around my mind when there isn’t enough going on for me to focus on.

Yesterday at work, I was quite busy. In that time, I felt very alive. I had energy to burn. My mind was focused on the task at hand. Sure, it was some pointless work task, but still, I had energy and I didn’t feel tired at all. But once I finished work, my mind slumped into the weird thoughts again.

Okay, let me back track a bit. These weird thoughts are not anything dangerous or crazy. I’m not contemplating climbing a clock tower with a rifle or anything. Do you know how far the nearest clock tower is from me?

I’m starting to feel lonely. For me to feel lonely, that’s a weird thing. I’ve been alone for a long time. But there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

Maybe I’m getting a wee bit too personal on this thing today.

In other news, today is going to be pretty hectic again. I’ve got to go pick up my new suit. When I picked out the suit, it wasn’t really what I was looking for. I was thinking a black suit with bright grey pinstripes. What I eventually decided on was a dark blue suit with a vertical blue detail. I really wanted bright colours, but the duller colours seemed to look better. This year’s bright colours don’t work on me as well as I’d like. Its always different when you see a suit on yourself. You never really know how it will look until you try it on and walk in front of a mirror. Its hard not to look good in a nice suit. But you can often be surprised by how great you look in something you wouldn’t have even tried on if not so a good salesman.

WIGSF Discusses Fashion Again

Autumn is pretty much here and many of my friends have birthdays in the fall. Birthdays in my clique are generally a lazy night of cheap drinks and finger foods at some crumby bar. Regardless, I want to look good. So I flipped through my closest to see what I have for autumn bar-hopping clothes.

Pants are pants, as long as they fit, they work. Shirts too. Those are pretty much all season for bar-hopping. Generally indoors is somewhat climate-controlled. The seasonal difference, in my opinion, affects the jacket.

For autumn, I’ve basically got three choices of jacket for the bar scene: before sundown jacket; after sundown jacket; and winter jacket. The before sundown jacket is a decent jacket and not quite out of style yet. Unfortunetely, I don’t think its an appropriate night time jacket. It’s a bit too American Eagle for sundown. The after sundown jacket was perfect earlier this decade. But now, eek, I think its a bit too out of style for 2007. Its got that matrix feel to it and I don’t think I can pull that off today. The winter jacket only works if its a pretty cool night. If its an unsually warm autumn night (the last couple of years, they’ve been pretty common, therefore I guess they’re not unusual, thank you very much global warming), I can’t wear that jacket. Its too warm a jacket to wear on a warm night. Otherwise its perfect. Classic design, never goes out of style.

The conclusion I came to last night, replace the after sundown jacket. Off to the shopping mall!

It was already 7:30 and the stores all close at 9:00. I had to go to a nearby mall instead of the nice mall.

You would think a large mall would have something but noooo-ooooo. I couldn’t find a damn thing. Again, I started at H&M because I’ve got this gift card that I want to get rid of; and again I was reminded why I don’t shop there. It’s all crap there. I can’t believe people wear that stuff.

Then I checked out the shops I actually frequent, Mexx and Tommy Hilfiger. I found some nice winter jackets, very similar to my current winter jacket, but nothing acceptable for autumn. (Maybe its too late to find autumn wear?) Then I tried some other places. Pinstripe had a nice selection of suits and some casual stuff. But the casual stuff was too casual. I’m pretty sure I saw an eight-ball jacket in there. At which point I turned and ran away.

I think I might have to play hookie today or tomorrow and hit the nice shops if I want to find something acceptable.

WIGSF Discusses Fashion

Over the past weekend, I spent some time and effort to augment my wardrobe. As I was rummaging through my closet debating whether or not to get rid of a bunch of shirts I’ve barely worn I looked down and saw my shoes. I’ve got a pair of red Pumas that I like to wear (even though they’re a size too small) but I’ve got nothing (other than some sports jerseys) that really goes with red shoes.

You see, I’m a guy who’s not really fashionable. Don’t get me wrong, I look good, but I wouldn’t call my clothing fashionable or in, if you know what I mean.

When getting dressed, I basically follow one of two colouring plans: the colour pyramid or the two colour theory.

The Colour Pyramid - This is where I determine the colour of the article of clothing by its distance from the floor. The higher the piece of clothing, the lighter and warmer the colour. As the piece gets closer to the floor, the darker and colder it gets. This is often accomplished with black shoes, brown pants and a white t-shirt.

The Two Colour Theory - Basically, I drape myself with two colours and only two colours. Usually, no piece matches any other piece touching it. So, red shoes, brown pants and a red shirt.

When neither of these two clothing plans work, i use my failsafe, all black.

But back to the topic at hand, what to do with the red shoes. I’ve got a couple of red shirts, but they’re getting kind of old and ratty and its time to demote them to work level clothing.

I was left with two choices: wear the red shoes with a blue shirt (ewww) or get some new red shirts. Off to the stores I went. But I went with a backup plan. If I couldn’t find any red shirts I liked, I’d pickup a pair of blue shoes.

Neither plan was all that successful. Finding a red shirt, nearly impossible this season. It seems that old, brown and ugly is in this fall. Even Mexx, my usual safe haven for bright and bold colours, is dulling down its stuff. At Tommy, I asked an associate for a red shirt, the brighter the better. He looked like he wanted to say “we don’t have anything, red…” but eventually he perked up. “We’ve got a red polo shirt.” Which is a nice shirt, but I’ve already got that red shirt. I was looking for something a bit less work level and a bit more evening-out level.

I tried H & M next. As I was staring at this bright magenta-ish shirt I finally realized what H & M stands for, homosexual and metrosexual. Again, I left H & M with that bloody gift card somebody gave me that I’ve never found a use for.

So, plan B it is. I thought the clothing selection was bad, but wow, have shoes gotten weird looking or what. Nike’s got this shoe that I swear was designed to look like a plantain. You see, that’s why I like Pumas. They’re running shoes that look good, until now. Oh ye God, what the heck has happened to the Pumas.

I eventually settled on a poorly constructed pair of Nikes that are black with some red and white. Very plain looking shoes.

With winter approaching, the red shoes will go back into hibernation, but I’ve got to keep my eyes open for some red shirts, in case, just in case, some designer gets all screwey and decides to start using red fabric again.

Maybe I’ll splurge at get myself a new suit too.

Recommended Listening: Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top.

Murse

What is a murse? Is it a man’s purse or a male nurse?