2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Smoked heroin, no.
3. Do you own a gun? MEGATRON!
4. What flavor do you add to your drink? Huh? I like my drinks drink-flavoured. That questions I don’t get.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I don’t like dogs. I don’t think any of them are hot. I’m human. I like other humans.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Bad Santa
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Either coffee, tea or orange juice. For some reason, soda pops are socially unacceptable to drink in the morning. Why? Who knows? Coffee and cola are pretty similar. Both have lots of caffeine and sugar.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes, I can do more than one, therefore legitimizing the plurality of push ups.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My tiny gold cross necklace.
12. Favorite hobbies? Critisizing things.
13. Phrase you use most often? wink wink nudge nudge
14. Do you have A.D.D.? I don’t think ADD is real. If it is, its over-diagnosed.
15. What’s one trait you hate about yourself? My shyness.
16. Middle name? Was my grandfather’s nickname.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: Copying memes should be made easier, commercials on the radio suck and do vegetarians and vegans like flowers.
18. Name 4 things you bought yesterday? Gas, coffee, bagel, another coffee.
19. Next vacation? Can’t come soon enough.
20. Current worry? My waist size.
21. Current hate right now? Radio commercials.
22. Favorite place to be? In bed.
23. How did you bring in the New Year? Small get-together with loved ones.
24. What’d you get for your birthday? A video game, a tie, lotsa drinks, a book about The Simpsons with neo-liberal undertones.
25. Name three people who will complete this? Not sure, maybe Miss Ash or JLee or Claire. They seem to like doing memes when they can’t think of anything else to blog about. That’s why I’m doing this meme.
26. Do you own slippers? No, but I’d love a pair of big fuzzy slippers.
27. What shirt are you wearing? Easy Pistol!
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Never tried it. Sounds nice though.
29. Can you whistle? Only with a whistle in my lips.
30. Favorite colors? Red
31. Would you be a pirate? Don’t like nautical travel.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever’s stuck in my head, or Satisfaction Pony.
33. Favorite girl’s name? Mary
34. Favorite boy’s name? Horatio
35. What’s in your pocket right now? Cellphone, car key, wallet.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Emailing to someone about how cuteness should be punished.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Looney Tunes characters in spaceships.
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Bruised ribs after a fat kid sat on me in grade 3.
39. Do you love where you live? I love my neighbourhood. Its the best place I’ve ever lived.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3 TVs, 2 of them are plugged in. Plus one very large computer monitor that functions as though it is a TV and a USB TV tuner beside my laptop.
41. Who is the loudest friend you have? My friends are all quiet. I’m the loud one. Ya hear me. I’m LOUD!
42. How many dogs do you have?? None.
43. Does someone have a crush on you? I really doubt it.
44. What is your favorite book? Invisible Republic by Greil Marcus
45. What is your favorite candy? Rockets
46. Favorite Sports Team? Atlanta Braves
47. What song do you want played at your funeral? Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding by Elton John
48.What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping in my bed.
49. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Damn, I woke up before the alarm!
My roommate and I once lived together. No wait, we didn’t. I’ve never had a roommate. Boy, started this thing off with a bang, didn’t I?
Never in my life have I had sexual relations with a man. Which is pretty understandable. I’m straight and always have been.
High school was eye-opening. I went from a Catholic grade school to a public high school. Deep down, the morals of the people I met were very different.
When I am nervous I can’t sleep.
My hair is still not grey. I think that’s a milestone. Everybody else in my family has gone grey. I think I take after my grandfather. I remember him still having not gone completely grey when I was a kid and he musta been well over sixty.
When I was 5 the Leafs were a joke and the Canadians were one of the best teams in the NHL. Wow, not much has changed.
By this time next year I will have taken a vacation. A much needed vacation.
I have a hard time understanding women.
You know I like you if I listen to you.
My ideal breakfast is fattening. Oh, you want more details. Sure, how about some pancakes or french toast, vanilla bean tea and a hash brown or some bacon. Oh, homefries. Nix the hash browns and gimme some homefries.
If you visit my hometown I will show you where that mafia guy got gunned down in a driveby. Then we’ll go out for dinner.
If you spend the night at my house you will be given a fine homemade breakfast consisting of my secret recipe pancakes.
My favourite blond is Miss Ash. Or Priscilla Barnes. But I think I’ve got a better shot at actually meeting Miss Ash than Priscilla Barnes, whose probably kinda old and raggedy by now.
My favourite brunette is Maura Tierney.
The animal I would like to see flying is the chicken. I just think that would be really funny.
I shouldn’t eat so much fried food.
Last night I blogged about my shoes.
I’ve been told I look like Al Pacino. I don’t see the resemblence, but I take it as a great compliment.
If I could have any car it would be small and peppy. I don’t like driving large cars, but I don’t like the weak engines in small cars. A Honda Civic would be a good car for me. Right now, I’m driving a Suzuki SX4 and I like its size, but I’m turned off by its lack of acceleration.
Got tagged by Random Chick to show a screenshot of my desktop. Here it is.
I’m not going to tag anybody, after all, I’m pretty sure most of you use a photo of me as your desktop. I am, after all, the most handsome man in all the world.
1. Where is your mobile phone? jacket
2. Your significant other? nope
3. Your hair? uncombed
4. Your mother? mommy
5. Your father? smoke
6. Your favorite thing? music
7. Your dream last night? bop
8. Your favorite drink? bourbon
9. Your dream/goal? pussy
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your ex? blonde
12. Your fear? leyton
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? older
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you’re not? gay
16. Muffins? bland
17. One of your wish list items? 9
18. Where you grew up? ontario
19. The last thing you did? blogged
20. What are you wearing? clothes
21. Your TV? unpurchased
22. Your pets? outside
23. Your computer? slow
24. Your life? scary
25. Your mood? bored
26. Missing someone? nope
27. Your car? sold
28. Something you’re not wearing? condom
29. Favorite Store? closed
30. Your summer? cold
31. Like someone? nope
32. Your favorite color? red
33. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
34. Last time you cried? youth
35. Who will/would re-post this? bop
Here are the correct answers for the contest. I’ve even included a brief explanation. (In case you actually care.)
Question #1 - Who is my favourite female vocalist?
a) Betty Davis
b) Ann Wilson c) Mavis Staples
d) Tina Turner
All great voices with character and all have some great music. But only one could be my favourite. Mavis Staples is that one. Listen to her on The Last Waltz and tell me that’s not the greatest sound a woman has ever made. You read that right. The greatest sound.
Question #2 - What is my favourite fruit? a) Cherry
b) Banana
c) Grape
d) Honeydew Melon
I prefer cherries. That is all. Not as much as I prefer the artificial cherry flavour that found its way into gum and soda pop, but they are the yummiest of all fruits.
Question #3 - Why is that my favourite fruit?
a) The colour b) The flavour
c) How I think it resembles a sexual organ
d) It makes me seamen sweeter
Anybody who chose option D, what the heck were you thinking? Even if that was true, that a fruit could make my seed taste sweeter (I’ve heard pineapple does that), why would I care? I’m not going to taste my seed. What do you think I am, some contortionist who likes to blow himself? Cherries are the tastiest of all fruits. Pretty simple stuff there folks.
Question #4 - Who did I vote for in the last federal election?
a) The NDP candidate b) The Green Party candidate
c) The Liberal Party candidate
d) I spoiled my ballot
I disliked the Conservative candidate in my riding and the Green guy was a former Reform party candidate. I sure as hell wasn’t voting for the commies in the NDP. In hind sight, I should have voted for the Liberal candidate. He won anyway and he earned it. He’s a good politician and a great man.
Question #5 - What was the single greatest baseball game ever?
a) Mark McGwire breaks Roger Maris’ single season home run record
b) Dennis Martinez throws a perfect game
c) Game six of the 1995 World Series d) Game seven of the 1991 World Series
Even though my favourite baseball team lost that game, seeing a pitcher go ten shutout innings in the seventh game of the World Series was just incredible.
Question #6 - What was the first song I ever slow-danced to?
a) Two Steps Behind by Def Leppard b) Tuesday’s Gone by Lynard Skynyrd
c) Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton
d) Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion
I wasn’t going to dance to no Diane Warren crap, that’s fer sure. It was at some birthday party. My buddy B was being nagged by his girlfriend to dance with her. He kept saying “Only if a good song is playing.” Being his good buddy, I dug through the DJs collection until I found something worthwhile. By worthwhile, I mean, you know, some rock ballad. I found the Dazed and Confused soundtrack. My buddy grabbed his gal and I said what the heck and grabbed the birthday girl. And thanks to Woozie for correcting my poor spelling.
Question #7 - Who is my favourite professional wrestler of all time?
a) Hulk Hogan
b) Koko B. Ware
c) Ric Flair d) Bret “The Hitman” Hart
The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be.
Question #8 - Why do I not partake in aquatic activities such as swimming, diving, etc.?
a) Allergic to chlorine
b) I have embarassing tan lines c) Near death experience at a water park
d) I don’t want to mess up my hair
I’m never going back to Wild Water Kingdom.
Question #9 - Who is my favourite MadTV cast member?
a) Bryan Callen b) David Herman
c) Artie Lange
d) Orlando Jones
Question #10 - I have one tattoo, what is it?
a) Barbed wire around my bicep b) A cross
c) A woman’s name
d) The Tasmanian Devil
Simple and both Christian and Rock & Roll.
Question #11 - When I sleep, which direction do I prefer to face?
a) Up
b) Down c) Left
d) Right
I don’t know why, it’s just more comfortable that way.
Question #12 - How many piercings do I have? a) 0
b) 1
c) 2
d) 4
God gave me a certain number of holes in my head and I’d like to keep it that way.
Question #13 - What is my favourite Hallowe’en treat? a) Rockets
b) Jack O’Lantern gumballs
c) Potato chips
d) Candy corn
I love ‘em! Sometimes, I crush ‘em and grind ‘em and put them in a glass of soda pop.
Question #14 - What actor do people most frequently say I look like?
a) Robert DeNiro b) Al Pacino
c) Peter Lorre
d) Tony Danza
I don’t see the resemblence. I definetely see it in my father, but not in me. But people have come up to me and said I look like Al Pacino. A former co-worker of mine used to call me Pacino. He’d say “Hey, Pacino. Hey Scarface. How’s it goin’?” He’s dead now. I found out he slept with my sister. So I killed him.
Question #15 - Who did a see throw a can of beer at a cop?
a) Me
b) Bob
c) Juice d) none of the above
I don’t want to embarass the person who did do it. But I did see a guy throw a nearly full can of beer at a cop. It was a tall boy too.
Question #16 - Why did I watch the Weather Network morning show everyday for a year? a) The anchorwoman was hot
b) I worked outside and needed to know how to dress appropriately
c) Allergy/pollen reports
d) They do best reporting on road conditions
One day she wore tight leather pants. Yow-zah! I think she’s on CTV Newsnet now. Always behind a desk though. And she’s aged a bit. Not well.
Question #17 - What time does my alarm clock go off in the morning? a) 5:30AM
b) 5:45AM
c) 6:00AM
d) 6:15AM
Leaves me just enough time to shower and get dressed before Sportscentre.
Question #18 - What is my favourite flavour of tea?
a) Peppermint b) Vanilla Bean
c) Orange Pekoe
d) Ginger
It’s hard to find a good brand, but it’s wonderful stuff if you can find it.
Question #19 - What do I want to have done to my remains after I pass away?
a) Cremation
b) Burial c) Stuffed and have my head mounted like a buck
d) Burial at sea
Who wants it after I go?
Question #20 - When I was a small child, which television program did I never miss?
a) Mr. Dressup
b) Romper Room
c) The Friendly Giant d) The Flintstones
12:00PM, channel 8 in Toronto, the CTV affliate would play it every weekday. I’d get home just before it started from kindergarten and I’d plunk my butt down on the floor and not move for thirty minutes. Yabba dabba doo!
Question #21 - How old was I when I ate my very first hamburger?
a) 5 years old
b) 10 years old
c) 15 years old d) 25 years old
I found beef to be an acquired taste. I actually spent much of my life as a vegetarian. I very rarely ate any meat as a child and a teen. Obviously, expect for the meat flavouring in McDonald’s french fries that most people didn’t know about.
Question #22 - What is the name I use to describe my usual pizza order (toppings include ground beef, grilled chicken and bacon)?
a) The Eliminator
b) The Widowmaker c) The Barnyard Massacre
d) Heartattack In A Layby
One of every farm animal I can find. By the looks of this, the vegetarian phase is definetly over. And I’m possibly trying to make up for lost time.
Question #23 - What was my New Year’s Resolution for 1998?
a) Ten pushups, ten situps and ten chinups everyday
b) Read a book every week
c) Regulary attend church d) Keep my hands off myself (you know what I mean)
Question #24 - How long did I maintain my resolution? a) Into September
b) Into June
c) Into February
d) January 2nd
Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer, those pansies. What a bunch of losers! The resolution failed when a buddy of mine brought over a movie called Cheerleader Nurses 2.
Question #25 - What was the first concert I ever attended?
a) Tesla at Kingswood b) Supernova Battle of the Bands at The Gasworks
c) Eye at The Opera House
d) David Bowie at The Air Canada Centre
Juice’s first band was performing. I had to go to show my support.
Question #26 - Who is my favourite stand up comedian
a) Chris Rock b) Dennis Miller
c) Sam Kinison
d) Emo Phillips
[Insert incredibly long and obscure metaphor here.]
Question #27 - What substance did my Brother get me to consume when I was a child?
a) Play-Doh
b) Some small pieces of Lego
c) Yellow snow d) That soapy water solution used to blow bubbles
Amazingly years later, he convinced a friend of mine to do the same. I was 3 or 4 when I drank the stuff. My friend was 20 when he drank the stuff. Yeah, I’ve got some stupid friends.
Question #28 - Who is my favourite Beatle?
a) John
b) Paul c) George
d) Ringo
Almost everybody picks John. I like George. He’s the quiet one.
Question #29 - Who is my favourite wife of a Beatle?
a) Yoko Ono
b) Linda Eastman c) Pattie Boyd
d) Heather Mills
Inspired Layla and had the decency not to get involved with her husband’s music.
Question #30 - Who is my favourite Traveling Wilbury? a) Nelson Wilbury (George Harrison)
b) Lefty Wilbury (Roy Orbison)
c) Charlie T. Jr (Tom Petty)
d) Lucky Wilbury (Bob Dylan)
He sorta started the band.
Question #31 - What is my favourite movie?
a) The Godfather
b) Citizen Kane
c) Scent of a Woman d) The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Just a fantastic movie; I can’t say enough great things about it.
Question #32 - At which venue did I see the Rolling Stones perform? a) Air Canada Centre
b) Downsview Park
c) Horseshoe Tavern
d) Palais Royale
Great show, lots of stuff from Let It Bleed.
Question #33 - What is the most exciting thing in basketball?
a) The cheerleaders
b) Kobe Bryant
c) Big sweaty men bumping and grinding in the paint d) Inflatable Raptor
Bob thinks it’s Kobe and that is a good guess, but it’s Inflatable Raptor. He’s just so cute (therefore possibly deadly) and funny.
Question #34 - What is my favourite musical instrument?
a) Gibson Les Paul guitar b) Mellotron
c) Fiddle
d) Dobro
Big, ugly and competely pointless in a modern recording studio. But listen to Heart of the Sunrise and tell me it’s not great.
Question #35 - When did my insomnia start?
a) Last night b) Fall of 1999
c) Spring of 2003
d) Summer of 1996
It’s when I started doing that graveyard shift job.
Question #36 - What is my favourite watering hole? a) The Madison
b) Panorama
c) Intersteer
d) Archibald’s
For some reason, it’s just more fun to get drunk there than anyplace else. I can’t really explain it. It really sucks when you’re not drinking though.
Feel free to review your answers. I have yet to have the answers verified by my assistant, but the results tentatively look like this:
Third Place… Wiwille
Second Place… Random Chick
and First Place… the Amazing Karnak.
