Ask WIGSF II: the Answers
April 28, 2008Helloblog asked: Where is the back off my remote controll?
If it’s anything like the back of my DVD player’s remote control, the little plastic latch type thing broke off and now the back doesn’t stay in place and regularly falls out. It probably fell in between the cushions of your sofa, or maybe underneath the sofa. Or maybe you got really pissed, thought it was a stale cookie and ate it.
And, I did understand what you mean. We call them remote controls here in Canada too. Many people call them “clickers” to which I call those people stupid. That device is called ‘the box.’ Watching TV, I’d say “Hey, goober, where’s the box? I wanna change the channel.”
Random Chick asked: When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?
If your cheese is talking to you, stop whatever your doing, find an asylum and have yourself committed because you’ve gone completely batshit.
Dan asked: Wesley Snipes is about to go to jail. Real jail. So which Wesley do you think will be coming back out on the other side?
- New Jack City Wesley, or
- Wong Foo Wesley?
Neither. It will be the Willie Mays Hayes Wesley. ‘Cause he’ll be outta there.
Angel asked: What is your most memorable time in college/university? And did it change you as a person (yeah I know, you aren’t competing for a beauty pageant, but I couldn’t think of anything else to ask).
I took this one elective that was called Rock and Roll: a Cultural History. Although I was already searching for more and more music to listen to, this course gave some avenues to check out. I don’t think it changed me all that much. It was just a lot of fun and I learned a lot about the history of popular music.
Wiwille asked: Do you believe it’s appropriate to add food to bedroom activities ranging from sex to simply watching TV?
When I had a TV in my bedroom, I would often eat while watching that TV. Hence the stains on my comforter. I would love to say those stains are sexual fluids, but they’re not. Probably just melted butter or something equally fattening. I’ve gotten rid of the TV in the bedroom and therefore, gotten rid of the food. As for sexplay, it’s best to learn to walk before learning to run. Or in my case, get a woman’s name and phone number before I say “Hey baby, wanna lick whip cream off my dick?”
Big Ben asked: Why do you live in the suburbs?
I love living in my little neighbourhood. It’s beautiful, clean, quiet and secluded without being too far removed from the hussle and bussle of the city. It’s also a fifteen minute drive to and from work (when there’s no traffic). I’m also not to keen on the hussle and bussle of the city. I can’t remember the last time I heard a siren through my neighbourhood. But everytime I go downtown, I hear sirens every hour, on the hour.
Maxie asked: How come when bob leaves a comment it doesn’t link back to his blog?
Because he has either not signed in when he comments or he leaves the url field empty.
Maxie also asked: If you had to have sex with one guy (other than yourself) in the whole world, who would it be. Same question for a girl I guess.
A guy to have sex with. Depends whose on top. If I’m on top, no one. I’m straight. If I’m the bottom, well, I guess some large violent homosexual rapist. Because there is no way I’d consent to having sex with a guy. Any girl to have sex with, well, any woman I’m in love with. I don’t do the casual thing. I’ve got standards.
Miss Ash stated: I’m not asking a question, last time you gave me a fake answer.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, there are certain things I don’t like to discuss out in the open. I like to maintain a degree of secrecy on the internet.
Jillian asked: What’s your perfect meal? Also, your favorite sexual position?
Well, I guess my perfect meal would be either pancakes or fried chicken. Frankly, I believe pancakes can be eaten at any time of the day. ‘All day breakfast’ is a three word phrase not used enough in our society.
My favourite sexual position. Don’t have one. Beggars can’t be choosers.
Grace asked: When and where will I meet my Mr. Right?
Name the time and place, I’ll, ahem, I mean he’ll be there. [wink wink nudge nudge]
Rawbean asked: What do you do for a living?
Ask Miss Ash.
Claire asked: Chicken or fish? Can I steal this idea, please?
Chicken or fish, huh? Well, if you mean which would I prefer to eat. Chicken of course. I love chicken. I wish it was socially acceptable to eat fried chicken for breakfast. I don’t know if you noticed this when you visited Canada, but the fried chicken restaurants don’t open until around lunchtime. Fish, I just won’t eat. I can’t stand the smell of fish. Even the blander species of fish, can’t eat them. Just can’t.
And you can definitely steal this idea. I stole it from somewhere. Probably from Maxie.
Sparkling Red asked: If you were made King of Canada and could pass any laws you wanted (ex. people who wear mismatched socks are subject to a fine of up to $ 5000 - nothing is too weird) what laws would you pass?
Well, right now Canada’s Queen doesn’t have any real power. As I’m sure you already know that. But I guess if you meant I was some omnipowerful ruler what I’d do. Well, other than eliminate all streetcars, I don’t think I’d institute any weird laws. Okay, maybe one. The compulsory listening of David Bowie’s The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars on a weekly basis for all citizens would be something I’d recommened implementing.
Then maybe I would offer full independance to any group inside Canada wanting to break free from the dominion. Any group taking me on the offer would then be immediately invaded and conquered. (Yeah, I’d build up the army first.) Once conquered, I’d strip my newly conquered subjects of all their rights. All those who resist will be executed. They had their chance to stay part of Canada but chose to leave. And for that, they must pay.
Bob asked: Do you plan on ever getting married?
I’m not going to make plans for something that I very doubtfully see happening? I’ve told you before, the Leafs, Jays and Raptors all have to win their respective league titles before I get hitched.
Rawbean later asked: Do you live at home?
I answered this question many times before and I can still not get over the fact that this question even gets asked. I’m not trying to be difficult, I just think it’s an awful question. The definition of home is a place where a person lives. I’ve tried not living at home; it is a pointless activity. Once I live someplace else, that someplace else becomes my home. For me to answer that question, I cannot answer with ‘no.’ My only answer, as everybody’s answer to that question is and always will be ‘yes.’
