Bon Jovi Interview

Well, here I sit, with Mr. Jon Bon Jovi.

Let’s get things off with a bang, Mr. Bon Jovi.

Please, call me Jon.

‘kay Jon, boxers or briefs?

I wear jockey shorts. That’s the Jersey way. Take jockey, change three letters and whatta ya got, you got Jersey.

How is the tour schedule put together?

It’s really difficult. But I let the promotors take of that. As long as we can do that big show at Giants Stadium at the end of the tour. Gotta have that big homecoming in New Jersey.

Does the band have any say in the price of tickets?

Of course we do. We want our fans to come out to our shows and we understand that not all of them are bursting with money. I grew up in New Jersey, I know what it’s like.

Any upcoming shows in Ohio?

Oh, we gotta do a show in Ohio. We try to hit every place we can when on tour. Being from New Jersey, I got to see a lot of shows but I had to travel to New York to see them. I want to come to my fans, they shouldn’t have to come to me.

Did you review the concert footage from the Barbara Kopple documentary?

I had to watch it. I don’t want to be misrepresented. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have confidence in Barbara. She does good work. But you know, I’m from New Jersey. I just want an honest representation of myself and the band.

What, if anything, have you learned about the band’s show-by-show performance?

We try to give our audience 100% every single night. That’s the New Jersey way. We don’t take nights off or phone it in. We bust our backs for our fans.

When you perform “Gimme Something for the Pain,” do you believe it to be an anthem for the truly impoverished?

Many of our songs have a strong message. We don’t just want to entertain the fans. We want to give the audience an experience that they can take home and inspire them to do good in this world. Growing up in New Jersey, I saw a lot of things. A lot of good and a lot of bad. I want to take the good and help fix the bad.

Why the gap between your second and third child?

All of my kids are blessings. It happens when it happens. I love ‘em all and wouldn’t change any of it for the world. My kids are happy and healthy in New Jersey. Jersey’s gotta great school system.

When is the documentary being released in other markets?

I know it’s available in New Jersey. As for other markets, there are all kinds of copyright issues to deal with and distribution contracts and agreements to hammer out. I’m sure it will all work out in the end.

What product do you use in your hair? Conditioner, hair spray, etc?

I used to use Alberto VO5? That was big in New Jersey back in the day. Now, I just let my hair stylist work her magic. I don’t ask questions. She’s from New Jersey too.

How does it feel to be loved all over the world?

It’s the best feeling ever. I know, wherever I go, I feel like I’m back in New Jersey. I love New Jersey and New Jersey loves me. When I go somewhere else, I feel that same love I feel when I’m back in New Jersey.

Is there a song you feel is too personal to perform too often?

My music cannot get too personal. The more personal the better the song. I put my life into my music. That’s what makes it so good. I put everything about me into my songs. Growing up in New Jersey, living in New Jersey, longing for New Jersey. It’s all there. It’s in every song.

What motivates you to keep going? It it the same inspiration that motivated you to start your career?

I’ve always wanted to reach out and touch people. I grew up in New Jersey. I wanted to make it in New Jersey, ’cause if you can make it in New Jersey, you can make it anywhere. I don’t know why I keep doing it. Obviously, there’s the love I have for my fans, and my love for the music, and my love of New Jersey. As long as that love is still there, I’m going to keep making every song like it’s my first song. Everything I do is to keep winning over the fans. I can’t sit still. Growing up in Jersey, you learn that right away.

Any thoughts of DUI?

You know, some people have problems that they just gotta work through. Any of my buds, they got a problem, I’m there for them. Because I’m from New Jersey, and people from New Jersey, we stick together.

When will you stop torturing people?

I didn’t think I was torturing people. I’m from New Jersey. That’s not my style.

Did you die in a plane crash?

Wow, I guess somebody’s been playing Slippery When Wet backwards. Ha ha. Nope, alive and well in New Jersey.

Are you going to commit suicide?

Never, I’m gonna keep on rocking. I’m gonna keep on giving my fans 100%. Being from New Jersey, that’s the only way. I’m from New Jersey. NEW JERSEY!

Thanks for the time Jon, and good luck with the upcoming tour and give my best to the rest of the band.

You’re very welcome. Let me thank you too. Let me thank you on behalf of the band. We’re all from New Jersey and I know that we’re going to do our best to make New Jersey proud.

Q&A w/ Jon Bon Jovi

I have been granted interview time with Jon Bon Jovi for publication on the WhatIGotSoFar version 2.0 blog. But I’m not sure what you, my readers, would like to know about Mr. Bon Jovi. Please leave any questions you have for Mr. Bon Jovi in the comments section and I will be sure to ask them.

The Junos

What are the Junos? Well, Juno is a movie about some pregnant teenager. Juno is a Roman goddess. Juno was a beachhead assault in Normandy by Canadian forces on D-Day, a victorious one.

But the Junos are the annual awards given out to Canadian musicians by the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences. In other words, the Canadian Grammys.

Now, I could go into a long rant about how much Avril Lavigne sucks (we all know she does) and yet she’s going to take home some hardware anyway. But I’m not going to do that. Instead I’m going to discuss the pointlessness of award ceremonies as a whole. Other than the industry using the ceremony as a marketing tool, what purpose does this whole thing really serve. If this music is art, then how can it really be graded? Music (and all art) is based on opinion. One man’s masterpiece is another man’s dung-smeared Virgin Mary. Regardless of that, the industry feels the need to annoint a handful of artists with shiny little statues stating best this or best that. I disagree whole-heartedly that there could ever be a best artist of the year or best album of the year.

Let’s take a look at this year’s nominees for Group of the Year: Arcade Fire, they’re from Quebec, do I need to say more; Blue Rodeo, yeah I like them a lot, but I don’t need some award to tell me to like them, I already do; Finger Eleven, I remember them when they were the Rainbow Butt Monkeys, ’nuff said; Hedley, I haven’t heard much of them, but from what I have heard, I wouldn’t deem them worthy of any sort of praise over the others nominated, or even those not nominated; and Kain, whom I’ve never even heard of, but judging by their bio, they’re French Canadian…

What scares me about these awards is the control they have over the lemmings who call themselves people. All these records and artists that win awards, their sales rise the day after the awards, guarenteed. There are people out there who I’m sure, their CD collection consists solely of award winning titles. I’ve worked at record stores and I’ve seen first hand people buy CDs because they won some award the night before. That scares me. It also gives me an idea. I may walk into a record store the day after the Junos and sneak Juno winner stickers on random titles throughout the store. You see that Jethro Tull album from 1974, that’s a Juno winner. How about the pilates DVD, yup, Juno winner. And the biggest winner of all, that 4-pack of Maxell AA batteries.

In conclusion, let me state that I share nothing with Avril Lavigne other than citizenship. And if I could get her’s revoked, you know I would. I feel ashamed to be Canadian everytime I hear the name Avril Lavigne. She makes me hate my native land because it’s the land that spawned her.

Insomnia Blogging: Racial Tensions

This morning, insomnia reared its ugly head yet again. My usual nocturnal television watching habits therefore returned as well.

CNN was focusing its efforts on the goings on in Detroit. You see, the mayor of Detroit is being brought up on charges of lying under oath in regards to having had an affair with his chief of staff. (I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: if our elected officials can’t get a little pussy on the side, what hope is there for the rest of us?) It seemed to me that everybody on the Lou Dobbs show last night was black. All the key figures in the story (the mayor and his chief of staff) were black. All the guests and so-called experts brought in to discuss this story were black. It just seemed a bit odd to me. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Or maybe CNN wants only black people talking about news stories involving black people.

Eventually I grew bored of the news and watched King of the Hill instead. In this episode, Hank was being courted to join a country club that caters to Asian Americans. The club needed him to join in order to appease the PGA and show that the club has white members.

Why do we still judge people based on the colour of their skin? It’s so much easier to judge people by their political affiliations. Oh, what’s that you say? You’re a Liberal. Well fuck you Libby! We don’t want you kind ’round here! Why don’t you go home and smoke a doobie with Maggie Trudeau and Keith Richards. You make me sick.

In completely unrelated news, remember that contest in which my friend Columbia put up $500 as an incentive to get Bob to go out and get laid. Well, the Wonder Twins look to be adding some incentive on top of that.

Recently, Bob has let it be known that he wants to cocoon himself in his home and play video games online. He’s just missing the XBox he would need to play the games. It looks like the Wonder Twins are going to offer up an XBox to Bob as a reward if he can pick up a woman.

Speaking of gaming, I’ve been playing a bit lately too. A game called Rainbow Six Vegas. I’m a picky guy when it comes to video games. I like a first person shooter that’s not so realistic. But this game is slowly growing on me. Or maybe I just like running around shooting Mexicans.

Walking Down the Red Carpet

In the past week, I’ve been awarded two blogging awards. (Yippee for me.) You can view my award page here.

I guess, if I’ve won some awards, I’ll need a speech. Here we go…

Wow, I really wasn’t expecting to win anything. I don’t even have a speech prepared. Well, first off, I’d like to thank my family for always believing in me, my agent for always pushing open doors for me. Oh, and Jesus Christ. I love you man.

That’s really all I’ve got so far. Okay, one more thing.

You like me! You really, really like me!

Sorry, but I had to do that.

The spirit of these awards has spread through me like a bad cold and pretty soon, I may start giving out awards too.

Weekend Precap

This weekend, I know I have to work a bit. But that’s okay. It’s just a quick meeting with a client who is not a jackass and then the rest of the weekend is mine. So Friday night, I’m going to stay in, make some hamburgers. I’ve had this odd craving for burgers the last couple of days.

Bob and I have plans to go adrinkin’ with Boston on Saturday night. The dilemma I face is this: sometimes I just don’t feel like drinking. Last Friday, I felt like drinking but I didn’t get to. The next night, I felt like I had obligated myself to drink although I was no longer in the mood. Maybe, this Saturday, I’ll be in the mood.

Hey baby, it’s a quarter to eight,
I feel I’m in the mood.

I’m sorry, I promise that’s the last time I quote Rush lyrics.

On Sunday, I would like to clean my bedroom a bit. A couple days ago I dropped a glove and kicked it underneath my bed. When I bent down to pick it up, I swear, there was some resistance to me picking up this glove. Not much resistance, but just enough to make me think I’m not living alone in that room. And it couldn’t have been the cat, he was outside.

As for today, it’s leap day. Honestly, I didn’t realize this day had a name until the last time February 29th rolled around. I’m a bit pissed that this extra day comes in February. February is the hardest month to spell. Why couldn’t we just have an extra day in May. May is much easier to spell. May is a word I actually use. “May I? Yes you may.” See how easy that is. May is also a person’s name. Only a weirdo would name their child February.

Other weird words I hope I never see being used as names:

• Fork
• Evasion
• Drying
• Recycle
• Vince
• W00t
• Orange
• Changepurse

I have never seen this words used as names. If you’re reading this and don’t want me to call you a weirdo, don’t name your children any of these words.

Permission Form to Date my Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME:

DATE OF BIRTH:

HEIGHT: WEIGHT: IQ: GPA:

SIN # DRIVERS LICENSE #

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES:
HOME ADDRESS:
CITY/PROVINCE:
POSTAL CODE:

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
Number of years they have been married:

If less than your age, explain:

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __N0

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend:

How often you attend:

When would be the best time to interview your:

father?

mother?

pastor?

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

C: A woman’s place is in the:

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room?

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

Mother’s Signature

Father’s Signature

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi

State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury).
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy’s Rules for Dating (below).

Parents’ Rules for Dating
Your parents’ rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you’re a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peek at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: ‘early.’

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry..

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a sand dune near Kuwait. When the nerve agents effects starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Sincerely - Mom & Dad

I found this on Charles Adler’s Blog. The originating blog can be found here.